REALLY need help!!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by betteroffunknown, Feb 17, 2016.

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  1. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    I've had an extremely difficult week, and am now having therapist issues. If you don't mind, I could really use some help sorting thru this.

    I was what some might consider in-patient for the past 1.5wks. Technically, I learned it's a residential program. It's kind of like a transition place only I went straight to this place, and didn't go (actual) IP first.

    Anyways, they encourage folks to continue to do their normal things like therapy or groups (outside) while there. For the past month my outside therapist had been encouraging me to go to this one group on Fri mornings, but for one reason or another there were hurdles to being able to go. Well, while I was at that place I learned those hurdles no longer existed, and I was actually feeling up to checking it out to see if it would be something I would be interested in doing on a regular basis. So while 'inside' I called my outside therapist to find out what time it started.

    She returned my call on Thurs afternoon, and because I was still in that place she told me I couldn't go to the group. She was thinking I was actually IP when in reality I wasn't which is why she told me no. However, I was told by the inside therapist it was okay to do. The outside therapist was also more worried about billing than my making it there. Because she was thinking I was IP she wasn't even sure I could be billed for going to the group which is part of why she said no about my going.

    I tried to tell her the inside therapist said it was fine to go, but my outside one didn't care to hear it. She was totally dismissive of everything I said, and she wasn't even willing to look into it, either. I was SERIOUSLY offended, and became terribly ticked off which is exceedingly rare for me. As a result I decided I will never go to that group.

    Well, I told the inside therapist about the experience, so he tried to call my outside one to explain things so she could learn it would even work with billing and also share with her that she triggered me. He told me she seemed to be dismissive of him as well. She just told him for me to go in and talk to her about how she triggered me, and she didn't care to hear anything else he had to say.

    Here's where it gets tricky. Her and I had a good relationship until earlier last week she decided to talk about me in a team meeting, and my last therapist was a part of that meeting. My new therapist was trying to get some opinions on how to help me because I only seemed to be getting worse. (Turns out my thyroid is why I was getting worse.) Her co-workers, last therapist included, gave her some ideas, and now she's completely dismissive of me.

    I'm suppose to meet with her next Tues, but now I don't want to. After all, if she's not even willing to listen to one of her co-workers (the inside therapist) then what makes me think she'll bother listening to me? I would be open to asking for a new therapist, but unfortunately they only allow you to change one time, and I've already done that. So now I don't know what to do.

    If I quit therapy then I will never be able to get help for the reason I began going again in the first place, but if I stick with this one I'm going to have continual trust issues. I was willing to try to talk thru this with her until I learned she was dismissive of the inside therapist, too.

    I insisted on being released yesterday, but am now starting to regret that choice. Not sure it was actually in my best interest to do so cuz serious suicidal thoughts are coming to mind now. I haven't experienced it like this in a LONG time.

    My trust is shattered. Any thoughts or suggestions??
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Can you continue with the therapy, just so that you can get some help. I think that bad help might be better than absolutely no help.
  3. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Don't see how therapy will be of any value now that trust is a massive issue. It wasn't one till she consulted with her 'team members', and started behaving this way.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am so sorry you had to experience that. Ugh.

    Not every therapist is perfect, as you do know by now. From what you have told here she seems very unprofessional.

    Can you get a new 'outside' therapist, maybe even somewhere completely different? You do deserve to get some proper help!
  5. I had many troubles with therapists and as a lawyer I saw many of them aggravating the case of their client instead of helping them..

    People aren't always good at their job and in your case your therapist is definitely not. I'm sorry that had to be disappointed by her.

    Please correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that you inside therapist is better.. so why don't you keep seeing him ? Or maybe he could advice you someone he trusts as an outside therapist..
  6. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    The inside therapist was better, but unfortunately I can only see him 'if' I'm inside, and now I am not. He will actually be calling me in a week or two to follow up and see how things are going. (It's protocol there when someone is discharged.) I 'might' take the issue up with him then.

    I had a talk with a friend last night. As a result of that convo I think I'm just going to cancel the next appt with the outside one, not say why and not reschedule. Not sure I plan to tell anyone else on my 'mental health care team' anything, either. As the friend put it, if they eventually say something I'll know they really care (they say they do), and if not, then I'll know I was in the wrong place to start with.

    I don't expect perfection from anyone. That's an unrealistic expectation for an imperfect world, in my humble opinion. I guess if I were willing (but I'm not) to consult with her again my wish would be that she just slowed down, took the time to realize that my getting worse was out of both of our hands, and go back to the way she was doing things, and give it another go at it. But based on what the inside therapist said and my own personal experience, she seems rather stuck on doing what her co-workers have suggested now. Because she's obviously so stuck on it there seems no point in even trying to discuss it with her because she's not listening anyways.

    I'm rather amazed she's even doing what they suggested for the simple fact that it wasn't helpful last time which is why I requested a new therapist in the first place.

    I'm planning to go meet with a dear friend this morning. Hoping she'll have some suggestions about a new 'outside' therapist. She's not a part of the mental health system I've been trying to work with, though, so I don't know how it's going to work out. But I do know she's a VERY connected lady. She knows people from all walks of life.

  7. @betteroffunknown You're friend is right you can try this way.

    Even if I'm not sure that you should keep seeking help from someone who you're not 100% happy with. It's only my point of view but I think that when we need help we must feel totally at ease with our therapist. If something feels wrong we should look for someone else. We're already in trouble and we don't need the extra burden of having to wonder if our therapist is competent or not..

    Anyway I wish you the best and I hope that you'll find the right person for you. Keep us informed and take care !
  8. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    I REALLY appreciate your perspective, ExcuseMyFrench!

    I agree it's important to find someone we're at ease to share with when it comes to therapy. I felt I had this with this therapist - until last Thurs. However, I also believe it's important to try to work thru such issues with them before totally dismissing them, and if it can't be worked thru with them then for sure, it's time to move on.

    Today I did something I didn't expect from myself. I went in to cancel the Dr's appt I had tomorrow morning. Normally I would just call in to do this, but it was on my way home, and believe it or not, it can actually take less time just to drop in to do it as opposed to trying to call in and be put on hold forever.

    When I went in I ended up speaking with the behavioral health lady there. She and my primary doc have been the core people I began dealing with for everything, and the ones I've been able to trust throughout all this, I just wasn't sure I wanted to involve her in this (again). She helped me with things when I had issues with the last therapist, but I wasn't sure about involving her this time around cuz it's the same issue (and more) as last time. Seemed rather surreal that I would have to face the same thing twice from two different therapists.

    Guess I didn't expect that by the time we were done talking that she would ask if she could call and talk to my therapist about all this. I was very hesitant of the idea, but when she said she'd really like to I said ok only because she has been so cool and supportive throughout this extremely frustrating process. But I was also sure to add that I didn't want any of this to cause any kind of riff for her, my therapist, nor the inside therapist. (I mentioned the inside therapist cuz she was actually surprised he shared with me what he did.) She said it won't. She is also planning to email me once she's spoken with my therapist.

    Guess I shouldn't be too surprised she wanted to call my therapist because I did tell her that by the time I had finished talking to my therapist on the phone last Thurs, after some time of processing, I was ready to take my own life, but had decided there were some things I needed to take care of before I did. So naturally, she is concerned for my safety now, and it's obvious I hadn't thought that through before telling her otherwise I wouldn't have.

    I was thankful she could understand my frustration of having so many peeps involved with my mental health, though. My mental health team has consisted of dealing with 3 docs, the BH lady and a therapist ALL the time. It got to be too much. She had a very brief time of dealing with all 3 docs (she was the middle man), and said it was a bit overwhelming, so she could totally see why what I was doing was TOO much for me, and she isn't dealing with the trauma I'm dealing with on top of all this.

    Anyways, now I'm just waiting to hear back from her. Not sure what I expect. I genuinely hope I'm wrong, but I fear she's going to be dismissed by my therapist, too. Guess only time will tell. She is a brave soul for trying, though.
  9. undercoverlover

    undercoverlover Well-Known Member

    i think you should quit seeing her until you can switch to a new therapist. a bad therapist can seriously stunt any recovery, especially if they are dismissive or dont take you seriously. if you do decide to do that, set up a safety plan and find ways to help yourself while you are out of therapy.
    best of luck!
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