I am sitting at home alone and the quietness is really getting to me right now. I have called my therapist, she has not responded yet. I want to go back to sleep so bad and never wake up. I am finding myself continuing to look at something across the room wanting to just give in to them but what would that really solve? Just me once again hurting the few that actually give a damn about me. What is the point to continue to even fight this battle when I can't keep myself in a good frame of mind, it always goes right back to me thinking about anyway I can to end this pain. Right now I am so numb from meds that I'm not thinking straight anyway so why not make myself number to the point that I will never again feel? And then I get to the point that if I even share my true feelings how many more will I push away? OMG I hate myself and just think I need to put plans into action to get out of all of this. I want it to end and if the day doesn't improve I won't be here tomorrow.