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Really Need this out there

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ok, I really need to say a few things, this is going to be long, I apologise in advance.

ok, i've in this relationship for 7 yrs, we never got married, everyone keeps telling me we shud have got married, but from I'm going through right now it would have been alot worse.

about 2 months ago, we spoke about moving form my current town to a coastal town. she liked the idea, but then i started to notice a change in her, subtle things, I picked up something was up, I asked she said "nothing" (why do people do that?) I've always trusted her, but I started to get suspect of her, I told her i wanted to check her phone and she got really defensive, wheich in the past she would never have done. Anyway we fought, and i finally got her to tell me what was going on with her. This is her story: She wants to go overseas, travel etc etc, I don't. But after longs talks I told i'd go with her. But that didnt satisfy her, so I guessed that she was bored of me, (My fault) anyway, whats made this harder is the fact that we live together, I own the house etc etc... but she asked me if she could stay till the house was sold. (shud have said no, I did'nt)
But she did say she was'nt 100% of what she wants and asked me if she have time to think. I agreed, after about a while 3 weeks or so, I could'nt take it anymore so I told her that she has to go overseas, because I could never trust her, this is the second time she has done this after all.
Anyway i'm currently on anti depressents for Aneixty. so I didnt feel much, I did feel very sad as I DO LOVE HER VERY MUCH. Over Dec I went on holiday with friends for 7 days, and she left as i got back, I'll only see her again in the new yr.

This is my Problem. I miss her like crazy, I'm feeling very lonely and I wish I had someone here that I could talk to or just to take my mind of the whole situation. I know I have to let go, 7 yrs and she does this to me and our Pets it really pees me off, but i'm finding it very difficult.

I'm 33 in a few days, moving to a new town and am feeling damn insecure about myself, which I should'nt because I am good looking and don't look anywhere near 26.
I don't trust her anymore. and what she does now has nothing to do with me.
But I do still love her, and I still feel jeolous etc etc .............

So, to sum it all of.

I Love and miss her like mad.
But I know we can never be together again. (trust)
I'm feeling damn insecure. (And I should'nt be)
And to top it all of i'm confused as what to do next.
Will I be able to trust someone again ? ( and give her my all?)

Sorry just needed to talk.
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