Really really worried BF here - GF contemplating suicide, not sure what to do to help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ConcernedBF, Jul 6, 2014.

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  1. ConcernedBF

    ConcernedBF New Member

    Hi all,

    Just joined the forum and this is my first post.

    I will get to the point because I'm really worried about my GF who was abused all her life (and still is) by narcissists, especially her Mum, older brother and so-called "friends" and exs, one of which was an ex husband (of over a decade together) she is finalising divorce with at the moment. She never had kids with her ex hubby because basically he was useless and used her in my opinion, and wasted her chances of having the family she always dreamed of.

    I met her 6 months ago and it's been very up and down, I have my own anger issues caused by domestic violence between my parents I used to witness and try to stop when I was only little (my father being the aggressor and my mother the victim). I'm receiving professional therapy for this though and I actually think i'vee recently made a breakthrough

    The problem is over the past 6 months there have been amazing times between me and my GF but also very very terrible times, almost culminating in suicide attempts and self harm by the girl I love :(

    Basically I'm kinda getting a bit desperate to know how to help her, when I try she sees it like a negative because it means she isn't good enough in her own eyes, and when I leave her to it, I get worried about all the suicide thoughts she has of being alone and the fact that she is alone in those times justifies to herself no one cares including me! It feels like a bit of a catch 22... :(

    She is scared of being sectioned under the MHA (mental health act) but she's also not got any professional therapy scheduled in for a couple of months as it's on the cheap NHS (not private like mine is, I have offered to help her with this but I'm not sure she wants me to put myself out so to speak).

    I would really appreciate knowing what I should do to try help her if anyone else has ever been in a situation like this where if you help they feel it is a admittance that they aren't worthy enough of doing it themselves, but when I don't help they justify to themselves that no one loves or cares about them anyway so they were correct to want to end things.

    I feel she is really stuck (and so am I tbh) - we don't live together so I have asked her over for a few days to give her some company because I was really scared about her shutting everyone and thing out of her life, almost like she was preparing to die :( but I'm going to have to try hard to still do my stuff and be productive because my GF doesn't want to be a burden - this is what she always says, so I need to show her that she isn't somehow, whilst also helping her... I'm not sure how easy this will be to do but I really want to help her and this seems like the only/best way at the moment.

    I'm really confused to be honest, and would really really welcome any helpful advice on this. Happy to clarify the situation more if that helps.

    Thank you for reading
    Take care and best of luck and wishes with your own struggles :)

  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: Really really worried BF here - GF contemplating suicide, not sure what to do to

    Hi, welcome to the forum. You every much in a difficult situation. Please do not fret as relationship are hard at anytime. It's a difficult period for your girlfriend. You need focus your support on her and getting through the divorce. Perhaps you can move into together if you can afford to and try to support each.
  3. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    Re: Really really worried BF here - GF contemplating suicide, not sure what to do to

    I could be the GF that you are talking about apart from a few details. What I want from my BF is to held and told he loves me and that things will get better. I want him to do cute things like make me my favorite sandwich (without me asking), surprising me with a trip to somewhere that I love and to be there when I breakdown. Just to feel loved as I am. Feeling like a burden is a tough one to overcome, maybe suggest a few practical things you can do together or she could do alone. We have a if one of us cooks, the other washes up rule. As you know, depression is hell and it can take a long while to get through the worst patches (especially with the NHS). the Samaritans are also great to chat too and will even schedule regular chats or calls. Hope all of this helps. I'm sorry that you're both going through this private hell that so few understand.
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