Really scared and going over the edge

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Mprice3024, Jan 5, 2011.

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  1. Mprice3024

    Mprice3024 Member

    I've been reading alot of messages this site for the last couple of days but I didn't think it would actually come to me posting on here.
    I'm 23 years old and have had serious thoughts about suicide for the last couple of months. I've not been happy with my life for probably the last 7-8 years. Not sure what has really caused me to be the way I am but I'm a really quiet person and tend to keep all my feelings to myself. I don't have any friends that I could talk to.
    I lost my gran around 8 years ago and she was more like my mum, I used to spend every day with her, she wasn't very well towards the end of her life and I used to find it hard to see her when she was in hospital which I regret so much. I don't put it down to losing my nan because I was like it long before she died. I lost all my friends at secondary school because I spent so much time at home on my own and not socialising with them like I should have been.
    2 months ago my girlfriend of 5 years left me, partly due to the way I am. I used to cause arguments on a regular basis because I'm so miserable all the time.
    I'm really scared at the moment, she was the only person I've spoken to and felt close to like my nan. I thought she was the girl I would spend the rest of my life with. I know that she also felt this way up until about 6 months ago when it all just started to get on top of her and I pushed her away. I love her more than anything in the world.
    I've actually told her how low I feel and the thoughts I've had in my head but this has just pushed her further away from me, maybe I've hurt and scared her away? I don't know what to do anymore.
    Despite how I may come accross, I'm not like this for attention.
    Over the last few days I've sat in my room with a few packets of sleeping pills, taking more and more each night hoping I dont wake up in the morning.
    I know suicide is a very selfish act and people will get hurt but I really cant cope no more! The one person I can talk to can't talk to me no more.
    I know there are helplines and such but i cant ever pick up the phone and call them.
    I know that the majority of people on here have far worse problems than me causing them to feel suicidal and I really don't know how you do it, I know I cant cope no more.
    There is only one person in this world I ever want to hear from but don't know what to do to show her that I really need her.

    I don't really know why I'm posting on here to be totally honest. I'm pretty sure that tonight is the night for me and nobody can change that.
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    welcome. i'm sorry you are in so much pain right now. please don't hurt yourself anymore. you need some love and support right now, not more suffering. don't take anymore sleeping pills, you are just playing with fire.

    have you been diagnosed with depression? if not you should def. go and see your doctor. that way he/she can eliminate physical conditions that mimic depression (like thyroid problems) and then start to treat the depression. medications are part of the solution, but not all. extra supports like a cpn or counsellor are good too. if you are suffering from depression there's a good chance you will recover. you just need to be open to getting some help. you can't do it alone. if you want some tips on talking to your doctor just ask me. i did it and even though i was scared to death in retrospect it was the best thing i ever did. he was really helpful.

    welcome again. i don't have any advice on how to patch t hings up with your partner but i'm sure someone else will post on this thread with some ideas. in the meantime i'd encourage you to look after yourself. take care...
     
  3. Qube

    Qube Well-Known Member

    Hello mprice,

    I have been through what you feel right now.

    I understand your being lonely....

    But see you will get lots of courage and inspiration from people here so you dont need to think about ending up.

    Keep reading here and keep posting here.

    Dont give up.

    Take care. God love you. We all love you.

    You can PM me if you want to talk with me anytime.

    Thanks and take care.
     
  4. Mprice3024

    Mprice3024 Member

    Sorry its done :/
     
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    if you mean by it's done you've taken an OD please call 911 and go to the hospital.... give us a chance to help you. it's not your time.
     
  6. Mprice3024

    Mprice3024 Member

    is my time and should have been my time long ago, i kno alot of people on here will say they care about me but they dont know me to care about me.
     
  7. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    you're right i haven't had a chance to get to know you yet, but i still care. why? because i have been there, suffering, alone, in overwhelming pain. i can empathize with your desire to end things. i have made 3 serious attempts and been hospitalized many times beyond that for feeling suicidal... and yet i'm still here. and glad that i didn't succeed. you are in a low at the moment but you can emerge from this, as long as you are around there is always hope. please hang on. i would like to get to know you.
     
  8. Mprice3024

    Mprice3024 Member

    i need help
     
  9. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    what can i do to help? i'm happy to keep listening if you want to share more.

    if you are feeling really desperate you can always go to the ER. they will take care of you until you feel better. i am happy to share my experiences of being in the hospital with you.
     
  10. Mprice3024

    Mprice3024 Member

    Would like to thank you for the responses, I've been meaning to do it sooner but have had a low few days.
    Friday evening I hit the limit and 100% wanted to end it. I was in a horrible place and didn't know what to do so stupidly I ended up leaving a message with my ex saying how I felt. Anyway, she got police got involved and I ended up getting arrested and spending half the night in a cell and recieved a caution for harrassment. To be truthfull they were very understanding and couldn't do enough to try and help me. They even arranged an appointment and took me to my local hospital for a meeting with the crisis team.
    Was in there for roughly 10 minutes, told them how I feel and basically broke down to them. I didn't really get much help out of the meeting to be truthful.
    Don't really know what to do anymore, I feel asthough I'm getting worse everyday.
    I don't blame my ex for what she did, can't be easy for her getting messages like this and I shouldn't be sending them.

    I just cant cope with these feelings no more.
     
  11. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    did the crisis team set up any follow up visits, like with community mental health or a psychiatrist? there's no need to go this alone. there are plenty of people who want to help you.

    sorry you ended up at the police station. that must have been quite frightening.
     
  12. Mprice3024

    Mprice3024 Member

    No follow up visits, was basically told that it would be pointless arranging for me to see anybody for help as what I'm feeling is so common and will be sorted with time.
    I guess they know best as they see this sort of thing everyday but I can honestly say it doesn't feel like its getting better with time right now.
    Then sent me on my way with one benzodiazepine to help me sleep that night.
     
  13. Mprice3024

    Mprice3024 Member

    I've 100% had enough, I can't get on with my life which is screwing everything up.
    I've actually sat here all day/night with methods going through my head and I'm very confident I've planned a way that will be successful. I've even begun to write a note to the 1 or 2 people that mean something to me.
    I don't want to hurt myself, I dont want to survive. I want to be out of this hell hole, I will only screw up other peoples lives being here.
     
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