Really scared

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by caspar, Jun 1, 2015.

  1. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    Hey guys I'm sort of freaking out here...

    In a few days I will be moving to the other side of the country. This is very stressful itself, but at least I will have somewhere to live.

    However this is only for 3 months, and I need to find somewhere for september onwards. I am a college student and it's extremely difficult to find anywhere to live these days. I am very scared that I will be homeless and I don't know what to do :( I am so fucking scared.

    I say this to people, but no one really understands, as they're not in my shoes...it's like, don't worry you'll find somewhere...oh that's tough etc. I don't really have any friends or family to stay with either... I texted my aunt but she didn't reply, I don't blame her. I became very depressed about a year or two ago and haven't talked to her in nearly 2 years.

    I don't know what to do, I'm terrified and really stressed out. And ultimately I feel like a complete and utter failure, I've been at college here nearly 3 years, I should have people to rent with or at least a couch to sleep on. I have nothing. I feel really ashamed even admitting this.

    I'm even making preparations to sleep rough come september. As you can imagine being someone who already suffers from depression and anxiety pretty severely this is *not* a good situation for me. I really fucking cannot deal with life at the moment...it's just non stop stress, how the hell does anyone deal with it? Everything is overwhelming me...please don't tell me everything will be ok, cause I don't think it will.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 1, 2015
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm not going to tell you everything will work out because it is not my place to say that, I am not in your shoes. You must be very scared, maybe text your aunt and explain things to her? Look for people looking to rent out a room? I know that can be hard but you have to keep trying. You don't need to feel embarrassed or ashamed here, we all have our fair share of issues. Look into student accommodation as much as you can and keep talking to us here.
     
  3. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    Thanks so much for your reply... still super stressed, have been barely able to sleep. I have big panda eyes, look and feel terrible. At the moment Im just concentrating on moving which is hard enough. I am looking for people to share with come september, but have got no replies to any emails :( I just can't deal with anything right now. Every little thing is stressing me, so much on my plate. Thanks for listening.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are very welcome caspar. I am online here everyday so if you ever need a friendly listening ear, i'm here.
    Not sleeping? not eating? This might be a silly question but do you have access to any counsellor? Is there one in your college you could see? Being highly stressed/school/not sleeping is a bad combination. I really wish I could do something to help, if I can please let me know.
     
  5. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    Thank you Petal... I'm eating ok, well not as much as usual but still managing to (usually I wouldn't eat much when this stressed). I have seen a counsellor a few times but not sure if I can see here again this week. I'm feeling a bit better now but I've been in such a state all day, really wound up, getting pissed off by everything... it's just been chronic stress for months now and it's all coming to a head. I probably should take a couple of weeks off because I'm in such a state, but not sure if I can :( I do think I probably should though, as being this stressed is really having an affect on me.
     
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, caspar. I'm not clear on whether you are going back to college in September or if you're done and looking for permanent housing. If you are still in college and attending classes in September, the college might have a service to help students find housing. Where I attended school, there was a large area around the grounds of the uni of rentals available for groups of students to live in. These were not dorms, but houses and apartments that students split the rent on. They were advertised in the local paper, the student union offices, and sometimes on grocery store bulletin boards. The college kept a list too, so that might be a place to start.

    It might take some searching. I hope you find somewhere that you like at reasonable cost. :hug:
     
  7. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I feel really scared also. I used to be really smart and really had it together, but now my mind is very dull and I'm severely confused all of the time. I'm still living in my house and been paying the bills, but I can't do a lot of the things that I used to do and it just terrifies me. I think that one day I will end up homeless as well, not because I don't have the money, but because I'm not able to deal with things mentally and I just know that it's only a matter of time before something comes up that I won't be able to deal with. I guess that you just have to deal with things one day at a time. That's what I do because I don't know what else to do. I know that my situation is really bad such that I'd rather be dead, but I'm not dead so I just go through each day one day at a time and do the best that I can because that's all that you really can do. I'm sorry that you are having a rough time, but know that you are not the only one.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 3, 2015
  8. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    I'm going back to college in September, hence the root of the stress, as I do really enjoy what I'm studying, so I kind of have to find accomodation there. We do have apartments on campus but it's too late to apply (closing date was months ago). They may post the occasional vacancy from September onwards, but it's unlikely I'll get somewhere there. The college has it's own website for housing, I've emailed but no replies yet. I put credit on my phone but have only called one person so far, too be honest I've been too busy the past few days. Thank you for the advice, I hope I find somewhere too.
     
  9. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    Sorry you're struggling so much. I understand not being able to deal with things too. Have you tried medication?
     
  10. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    Yes, they've tried a ton of different meds on me, but nothing seems to help. My problems all started a few years ago after I got really stressed out. I used to have a really good life, but now I'm just severely depressed all of the time. Every moment of every day is terrible for me. It would have been so much better if I would have just died than to have to suffer the way that I do. I never would have imagined being so miserable and the sad part is that there just seems to be nothing that they can do. I'm on an antidepressant, but I think that my problem is more severe than just depression.
     
  11. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    Not sure if I should open a new thread... just had an appointment with the psychiatrist, have been diagnosed as having borderline p.d. traits, with depression symptoms, but not depression. I basically begged him to change my medication or up the dosage to alleviate my symptoms, and he refused...he said the only thing they would consider doing is lowering the dosage. I actually begged him and cried my eyes out but he said no....don't know what to do now. I'm so depressed and upset and can't handle anything...I really don't know what to do. I don't think anyone understands how how unbearable this is. I have so much to do but I literally can't stop crying, I feel so alone. What do I do?
     
  12. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    Could someone please talk to me? I think I'm having some sort of emotional breakdown and I have no one to talk to right now
     
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi caspar, i will talk to you if you want. I have also been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder so i know how it goes very well and just how frustrating it is. Keep talking to us here :)
     
  14. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    Petal, is it ok if I pm you? If not it's ok. Thanks for your reply.
     
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Of course you can PM me :)