Things get better. Even when we know they don't, if that makes any sense. Sometimes the worst makes us know that nothing else will exist besides what you're feeling right now. But it's not the truth, the best parts of life are always here no matter what's cracking off. It just takes a little bit to reconnect with them.
Idk how bad it's getting, but if you're being smuthered by your feelings and thoughts, you really need to talk about it with someone to help you regain your own clarity and understanding so you can begin to enjoy the better parts of life.