I have been in the hosptials now since the end of may with the exception of a few weekends , when on those leaves I overdozed and ended up in ICU a few times. I am really struggling today. I am climbing the walls. I ran away but security got me. was going to hitch hike home and hit the pills again. I am on lockdown even tighter now. How I am going to survive I do not know. I feel like just ending it here , right now.