really stuck

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Luce, Sep 2, 2009.

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  1. Luce

    Luce New Member

    I usually feel uncomfortable posting things but I'm very down right now so I figure maybe it'll help to get things off my chest.

    I'm 20 and I've completed 2 years of art college. I have really bad social anxiety and I've hated art school because I hate the attention and the critiques. Just throughout high school it was the only thing I really enjoyed and felt good at, but I really didn't think ahead about it. College has been extremely isolating and painful. This summer I have been unemployed and haven't gone out much so my anxiety and agoraphobia has intensified to an unbearable degree.

    I'm not going back to school. My original plan was to just kill myself before school started so I wouldn't have to tell my parents I wanted to drop out. They could tell I wasn't feeling well. I was in bed all day one day and my mom asked what was wrong and I broke down and told her that I really didn't want to go to college.

    I know this sounds over dramatic that someone would kill themselves for wanting to drop out of school but that's not REALLY the reason. The real reason is because my anxiety has made me afraid to leave my house. I can't handle anymore school (i'm surprised I've lasted for two years) I don't think I can get a job because I am just a nervous-wreck and have lost any confidence. I'm losing touch with my friends and my anxiety is starting to make it too painful and stressful to even hang out with them.

    I'm stuck in the house all day and I know it is only making my mental health worse but going out is just so painful for me. I become so overwhelmed by all the people around me I start to get panicy dizzy and paranoid. This is no way to live, I feel so ashamed. I probably would of done it if I wasn't to afraid and depressed to go to the store to get the supplies I needed, now the more I think about it the scarier it becomes.

    My intense feelings have had time to disperse but I have no idea what to do now. I either have to get some professional help and go to some mental hospital or wait for some emotion to trigger me.

    This was kind of long, if you read it all thanks, it's just me venting :unsure:, I don't know what to do
     
  2. SelfMadePrison

    SelfMadePrison Banned Member

    welcome to SF Luce.
    Thanks for posting.. sometimes it helps alot to just get it off the chest sometimes.

    Sounds like you do have an idea of some options ahead of you, I hope that you re able to find the support you need.
     
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF. You did the right thing by posting here. There are so many here who can relate. I don't think you need to go to a "mental hospital" but you should check into getting some therapy and maybe eventually they will suggest an anti-depressant, but not right away. You may just need someone who can be objective to listen to you and what you are feeling regarding school.
     
  4. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    Hi Luce.

    This should be a good first step to getting back on track. While talking to people online doesn't match talking to people in person, it is a step in the right direction. There are a lot of people here who have been through similar feelings, and have survived, so you are not alone in this.

    The next step, in truth, is to seek help from a medical professional. I can understand the difficulties involved in that, so see if you can arrange to see a GP one on one, maybe in whatever their quietest period is, to try for now to avoid any situation where you get overly anxious. It is likely they will suggest more specialist care, and probably prescribe a mix of medication to take the edge off those emotions, and one on one councilling with a professional.

    I would suggest though, in the mean time, you keep posting, keep sharing with us, so that you can get support from those who have dealt with the same things. Its not easy to take those steps, but i hope that knowing others have been through it, and will be there for you too when you are struggling, will begin to give you the confidence, in time, to take those steps. It is not something which can be solved quickly, or easily, so please give yourself the time you need to start turning things around. And any time things get too much, and you do feel so bad that you are contemplating suicide, come to us, to share with those who understand, and give yourself that time to take back control of your feelings.
     
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    You are not alone, I can so relate to what you're saying. I'm diagnose with severe anxiety, social phobias and depression. I tried to go to school but it didnt work out, I was too anxious and isolated. You probably need professional help and meds. It helps alot, it doesnt remove the anxiety however but it diminishes the effects. I take meds and it does help me alot. I wish I had those meds when I was in highschool.

    I think you need to have at least one person that knows your condition and can help you do things. Like if you take a class, have a friend take it with you, that way you're not alone and its less stressful. Like for me, my mom and I go to the gym twice a week, even if I get anxious about it, I go and feel good that I went afterwards....

    As for work, for me personally I can't work normal jobs because I end up tiring myself up due to my anxiety....I last three months and then I can't take it anymore...so I found a job I can do from home...

    I think if you find a professional that would help you out alot....if you need to talk you can always email or pm me :)
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Welcome Luce glad your here and know you will get support from everyone.
     
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad you decided to post and let us know what is going on for you. Are you seeing any type of counselor to help you deal with your anxieties? Sometimes they can help. You sound as if you know what you need to do but your anxiety gets in the way of you doing it. A little extra support can be helpful. :hug:
     
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