Really trying not to

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by MoAnamCara, Mar 3, 2016.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    There's a a big anniversary coming up. I'm fragile atm. Today someone told me they had a dream About someone close to me and that they were trying to get out of the coffin and didn't want to be in it. This has reAlly shaken me. I didn't know what to do at the time re burial or cremation. I keep thinking I made the wrong choice. This conversation todAy has sent me in a spiral because it affirms what I thought. I did wrong, the last thing I could have done for this person and I messed it up.

    So tonight I am trying to distract, trying to avoid going "there". Already took meds to help relax but thy aren't helping right now. Next is to cut and I'm trying so hard to avoid going there. I don't want to, but I also want to very much as it'll help ground me back. I know it'll be temporary and I may need more, but that's better than going off the deep end completely. I know I'll feel like rubbish after though too. I have to do something to try and keep here, not to dissociate completely. I've tried breathing, tried distraction with playing games, tried going outside to let the cold air somehow waken me up out of this. I'm not sure what else to try.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    * hugs * I'm sorry you feel this way.

    Have you tried ice cubes? Rubber band? Have you tried throwing paint at a canvas? Punched a pillow?

    Please keep trying to distract yourself and act out in other ways.

    I don't want you to hurt yourself.
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you for responding... I already started with the ice thing. I really appreciate you responding.
  4. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Thinking of and rooting for you, MoAnamCara...
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Thinking of you. Dreams are usually not "literal". I suspect that it's more about the living not wanting the person in a coffin, not about the specifics of how/where the person is resting. All kinds of memories could be stirred up around an anniversary. I'm sorry the painful ones are dominating for you atm.

    The distractions are good. Sometimes in my own bad moments, I try the opposite..."Oh, hello, thoughts/impulses. You're here, but I'm not giving in to you. You can stay, just don't bother me, all right?" This acknowledgement and refusal to play with them sometimes makes them fizzle a bit. :)

    I'm sorry things are hard right now. Things go up and down and they will get better again. Be safe. *hug*
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you misterBGone, Acy...
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Back in this place tonight. I feel F it. Impulsive, which I think isn't good. I just want this all to stop. There is no one I can reach out to right now. No one. This is no way to be, to live, to exist. I think I have to tonight, to keep present. To stop.
  8. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I hope you're safe hun. If you feel that way you can always call an emergency number and have them help you. They are always open.

    If you want to talk my inbox is always open. Please do try to distract yourself, anything, no matter how silly it seems as long as it keeps you from hurting yourself (and obviously is safe).

  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you phantom lady.... I wasn't successful with the need to SI. It's ok, it helped temporarily.
  10. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you were feeling that way yesterday. I hope that today goes much better.
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