Really want to be gone tonight

[ace]

I really want to be gone tonight so badly,what do you do when the only thing you're is constantly sad all the time and struggling badly?.I can't see the light never really have at all,I've tried to improve same old story but no improvement and am stuck at the same point as always.I can go on and on about the same old things,but it's hit me again today of course I'm better off dead,I'm no use alive seriously I'm not.

I've tried to gain the motivation to return to work but nothing at all works,tried to feel more positive but nothing either.Tries years of Therapy,tried years of many different meds,everything else you name it.Now I wonder why I'm writing this again no one wants to hear it really.Hospital hasn't seemed to help nor has shock treatment maybe it's just me that is hopeless and useless.I don't know what to do I thought for e.g going home to a nice warm house would make me feel more comfortable but who was I kidding.I'm just facing another night of uncertainty and if I get through it will be another day of it.

 

[Rukia]

:cheekkiss:

 

[ace]

Thanx hun.

 

[Push]

:hug: I hope that you keep trying.

 

[ace]

Thank you it really means alot.

 

[distress]

I hope you can get through this and stay strong, you have done so well thus far. Something better might just be a day away even though it may not seem like it.

 

[ace]

Thank you for your kind nice words of support they really mean alot.

 

[distress]

For some people it takes years of finding the right medication. Its difficult for some people to react to some meds, I have a friend tht took 13years before any med had even the slightest effect. Maybe a positive way of thinking about tht is you have a kick ass system pumping hah. Anyway that doesnt mean ur useless or anything so chin up

 

[ace]

Trust me I've tried all that but thanks anyway for your suggestions and support.I've tried to say stuff this I'm not going to let that get to me no more but nothing works I don't know why.I've been seeing a Therapist for years,Psychiatrist virtually had everything done to me.I just struggle to live now,maybe I've just failed in life.

 

[distress]

Yer I understand what you mean. Well as I said before I hope all gets better and that some form of light is shed on your life .

 

[ace]

thank you dearly I appreciate your time and support really.

 

[Push]

You can't consider yourself failed in life unless your life is over. There is always room for improvement. I have been depressed/suicidal for longer than I can remember. I was never happy as a child. I'm now 32 and still struggle with it severely. Right now I'm off my meds because I just got overwhelmed and the meds made it so everything was ok even when it shouldn't be ok. I didn't care about anything good or bad although at least I wasn't depressed and suicidal. Now I'm starting to get worse again but I know I have to keep going. I have a few people in my life that I have to live for no matter what. Do you have someone that cares for you? I bet you do even if you don't realize it. Maybe it's just someone that depends on seeing you on-line. So you are not a failure because someone needs you and you are there for someone. That's a huge accomplishment. I see no failure in you only hope for a better today and tomorrow.

 

[MoAnamCara]

:hug:

Keep reaching out.

 

[ace]

Thank you Crystal for your thoughtful post,I'm 36 myself and had pretty much everything in life but am still here suffering badly.Yes there are people that care for me but somehow this constant pain seems to overshadow all that.I don't know truly how to keep going anymore to be honest,these conditions have killed me seriously.Thanks once again for your inspiring and warm supporting words.Thank you also Moanamcara for your nice post.

 

[Push]

:hug: I have been exactly where you are too. I know that there is really nothing that I can say or do to make you feel any different or better. When I am at my darkest I feel as if there is no way out, and I can't remember that when I'm not so dark, things don't look so bad. I can't stand to see other people hurting, that's just my nature, so forgive me for trying to help even when I can't. Just know that I'm here to talk and understand what you're going through. And as selfish as it is of me I hope you find a small or big reason to keep going. :hug:

 

[ace]

Thank you Crystal I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart you taking the time out to talk to me like everyone else.It means a hell of alot especially when other people in your life don't seem to care.My head is just overloeaded and I'm really overwhelmed right now just trying to battle against everything.Last night again I put my alarm on to get up and wanting to attempt I didn't maybe I was too comfortable in bed,maybe I was too much of a coward who knows.It just hurts alot years on end going through the same pain is so taxing badly.The anxiety is killing me badly as well I don't know how to keep persisting anymore I really don't:sad::sad::sad:.

 

[MoAnamCara]

Ace -

I completely understand - am around if you need to chat.

hugs to you, leave your alarm off, get your rest - it will help a bit to take the edge off.