Really want to commit suicide!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cfc1905, Oct 10, 2006.

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  1. cfc1905

    cfc1905 New Member

    i Am 18 have not had a job since i left school and from this have come depressed insecure quiet timid and alot of other things, recently i have really wanted to just commit suicide but i do not dare do it, if i had a gun i would have shot myself in the head by now, every night i wish that i am never going to wake up but it never happens.

    i end up staying in bed sleeping till about 4pm everyday and up all night having depressing thoughts.

    My family are strarting to get on my back about getting a job and whether i am depressed but i could never tell them,

    i am too shy and self-conscious etc. to even leave the house and look for a job or call a job.

    where as in the past i would have been very confident and outspoken.

    but now i feel i have tottaly changed i am not the person i once was and it bugs me 24/7,

    i just wish i could go back in time and change everything..

    I do have a great girlfriend and after first meeting her that really made things look up for a while but with no results, she constantly tells me i need a job and im lazy etc.

    i regulary think that would having a job change all this...eg getting me out of the house everyday, meeting and socialsing with new people, earning money but sometimes i think even if i got a job it would just be the same and things would not get better.

    on a night i often think of ways in which to kill myself but never dare even attempt it or think to myself things will get better surely! but they never do i have been unemployed now for 2 and a half years, and being 18 has been the worst year of my life when it should have been 1 of the best,

    i hardly see my mates anymore as they are all out spending their money and going on holidays etc. and i am sat at home in my room alone.

    and when i do see them i am very shy and timid around them, when i used to be one of the loudest and most fun-loving..

    when they bring up there jobs in conversation i just have to drop my head and hope no one mentions me not having a job or being lazy or whatever it really gets to me.

    my relationship with my family has suffered and i hardly mumble two words to them now or spend any time with them and they have tried to help many times but nothing seems to work ever.

    i believe all this has gave me depression and mental health problems too, i really want to make something of my life and have fun whilst i am young, but i see suicide as the only way out sometimes.

    altough i know the effect this would have on my family and girlfriend maybe even friends and i would not want to put any of them through that,

    i need help and i have just started to realise this.

    but i do not want to tell anyone i know about these problems.

    can anyone offer any words of advice or help as i would appreciate it right now.
     
  2. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You say you've just realized that you're having problems but that you don't want to tell anyone you know about this. Have you considered getting counseling? If you're 18 no one would have to be told, not your family or friends. It sounds like you're going thru some rough times lately, too much for you to handle all alone.:sad: I don't mean to sound like a cliche, but really, professional mental health help can make a huge difference.:smile: I see a Pdoc regularly and take meds for depression and anxiety and the meds and counseling both make a positive difference in how I deal with things and how I see myself in relation to the community in which I live and also in the larger world.:smile: Depression can become a self-fulfilling prophesy: the more depressed you become, the more you see things/your life as 'un-fixable'... and the problems continue to build up and feel worse. Counseling and meds can break that downward spiral. Please check out mental health agencies in your area.:smile: Take that first step towards positive thinking and getting yourself better. It CAN get better, but you've got to take that first step in the right direction. Please, do it for you. You're worth it.:smile:

    I care. Sending you love and support and hope,:smile:

    least
     
  3. ilene

    ilene Member

    I understand how you feel. Depression is a hard thing to deal with. It makes me feel withdrawn, lonely, and shy too. I know you don't want anyone to know, but what about going to a doctor and starting some anti-depressants. The doctor would have to keep it confidential. As long as you don't tell him you are suicidal, he can't hospitalize you. If you just tell him all your symptoms of sadness, being withdrawn, not enjoying life, unable to work, etc. By the way, being depressed does not mean you are lazy. If you were covered with burns, would anyone be saying "get out of bed and work you lazy bum". No, they wouldn't. But mental illness is the same. You are covered with wounds, but they are inside, so people can't see them. So sometimes people say things that are not helpful. Maybe they think they will motivate you or something, but it only pulls you down further. Go to a doctor or a counselor and get some help. You won't be able to get a job or function normally just by "will-power". Don't think of it as a failure either. No one would tell a diabetic to "just snap out of it", and it is wrong to tell someone who is mentally ill to "snap out of it". You can't just decide to be better anymore than a diabetic can just decide to make insulin. There are chemical factors involved that you have no control over. What you do control though, is getting yourself help. There is lots of good help out there--people who really care and want you to be ok. If you reach your hand out, someone will take hold, I promise. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.
    Hearts and Hugs.
     
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