but can't abandon my dogs so am stuck living thru each horrible day. i live only for bedtime as i can escape into sleep for a few hours respite. the rest of the day is horrible. i'm only staying alive for my dogs, and don't know how much longer i can do that. i pray each night that i'll die in my sleep and spare my kids the knowledge that their mom killed herself i just can't stand living anymore. sick of always being miserable. there is no option but suicide but that's not even an option for me cause of my dogs needing me.