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really want to die

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Last week I was fine, thought I had the best of my depression and thought my life was really going to change this time, but here I am again today at work feeling like going into a dark office where nobody will find me and stay there till the end of the day. I have nothing to look forward to and i feel like im being played a cruel joke on, i would just like this to end so my bad feelings could stop once and for all.

My friends talk to me sometimes and I feel like I do not even know them even though weve been friends since I was about 9 years old. I didnt help myself when I was a kid by being stupid and not taking things seriously, I thought I was invincible and would someday get better but things got worse because of drug abuse and my head and my feelings are so mixed up that I would need so much help to feel better. I dont know if I have it in me, I mean the strength to want to carry on. <mod edit: Malcontent - no suicide pacts>
 
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