I don't know just how much longer I can keep up this facade of being "okay"... everything I say is wrong, everything I do is wrong, every time I look in the mirror I feel butt-ugly, every step I take is self-conscious, everything I work for is a waste of time. I'm lonely extremely often, and it's getting to me. I don't know how much more of this crap called "life" I can take; I won't be missed much. My family might be sad for a while, but eventually just call me selfish and spoiled and weak and inconsiderate. My friends will probably not be surprised at all... and my more religious ones will blame it on me "not accepting Jesus Christ as my lord and savior." I'm sure the woman of my dreams might actually be relieved so that there's one less guy out there whose got a thing for her. I don't wanna be where I'm not wanted, and that includes in this life. I'm extremely sure that I'm going to off myself; I'm tired of staying alive only for the sake of everyones' guilt trips and their insincere cliches that kind of serve as a "Get Well Soon, Dave!" card, but then when I want to talk, it never works and they are suddenly busy. According to this world, everything bad is my fault, everything wrong that happens to me is all my fault, everything PERIOD is my fault... it'll finally be nice when I'm freed from the blame, whether it's mine or not. I'm just fed up, and I don't know how much more of all this crap I can take. Here's to hoping that I die in my sleep.