Really Worried and Emotional (May Trigger)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Butterfly, Oct 1, 2011.

  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    The past few weeks have really tested me to the extreme. With the constant feeling down all the time, the not sleeping which I thought was causing my terrible headaches. Turns out the insomnia did not cause me headaches. 11 days ago my dad rushed me to hospital after I had not eaten for a week, was throwing up violently and was crying out and screaming because the pain in my head was so bad. Once I had been triaged by the nurse in a&e she immediately took me round to get a bed. My blood pressure was low and my temperature was ridiculously high at 40.8 celcious. The put IV fluida on free flow and made my cubicle dark because I coulsnt stand the light then pumped me full of anti sickness, anti virals and antibiotics. Doc came and said he thought it was meningitis. Then I got taken to the emergency assessment unit while they did the majority of tests on me. The docs did some tests with my eyes and said that both my optic discs were blurred and then I saw a neurologist who sent me for a CT scan of my head and neck. The CT scan came back clear except the radiologist was very concerned about the size od my lymph nodes which showed up on the CT scan. I then had a lumbre puncture to rule out meningitis. That was awful. Although I had local anaesthetic when the doc told me to turn on my side I couldnt do it because the pain and pressure in my back was so bad. I managed it on my other side in the end. The next day docs came back and said my bloods were all over the place and that the lumbre puncture tested positive for protein and something else which meant infection was present. They then sent me for an ultra sound of my neck and had biopsies taken of my lymph nodes as they are querying lymphoma. Later on I went to see the opthalmologist for my eyes as the neurologist wanted me to see them. I dont remember much there because I was so so so poorly that day except the next day my parents told me they said I had pressure building up on my optic nerve which they think was causing the photophobia and possibly part of the headaches. Next few days I was pumped full of fluids, antibiotics, antivirals, IV cyclizine and morphine. I was in lala land for a good few days. After a week in hospital I finally managed to eat something without throwing it back up and eventually I began feeling better. Thursday I got told the sample they took from my biopsy came back inconclusive as the sample size was too small and the medics wanted the surgeons to take the biopsy. I got seen by the surgeons who could feel all the lymph nodes in my neck who referred me to ENT as they wanted them to take them. ENT were bloody useless. Didnt bother looking at my CT scan. Said they could feel the nodes but they didnt feel big. But the scan shows that thenlymph nodes were big and deep rather than wide. I then went for an ultra sound of my liver and spleen to make sure there had been no spread if it was lymphoma which came back fine which I was pleased about. I managed to go home on Friday night as I felt a lot better. I am going back for an ultrasound on my neck with possible biopsies in 3-4 weeks and will get the results 1-2 weeks afterwards. They think the infection I had was meningitis BUT. I read my discharge letter earlier and all it goea on about is query lymphoma and all the tests and problems with my lymph nodes. I feel so frightened and scared. I am 21 and I feel like I am losing everything. I had to take a break from my nursing before all of this because I wasnt coping but I loved it ao much and was three months away from being qualified. I am glad now because I cant stand for very long or walk very far as I get too tired. I have always been healthy except a lazy gut and this year I have had more illnesses than the past five years put together, which would suggest there is something not right with my immune system. I am so frightened and so scared of what yet is to come. It is all beginningnto sink in now. And also this evening, my bloody headache has come back. I dont want to go back in to hospital. I feel lost and like I am losing everything at 21.
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Sending plenty of hugs... :hugtackles: :hugtackles: :hugtackles: ~ Alex
  3. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Lex....(gentle hugs)

    There is no shame in being ill. Well done for surviving - you will come through this...

    You are losing nothing by taking the time to heal. I thought my life was over at 19 - I'm 23 and couldn't have been more wrong.

    You know where I am - and my MSN is also open

  4. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Sending you some very big hugs.. :hug:
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Lex, if anyone knows how this feels, it is me...I too have been a lab rat for a is awful, and so scary...did they suggest a pain managment specialist? Maybe there is something they can do to reduce the pain and help you sleep...I will be praying for you and hope this passes real fast..G-d's speed...and much caring, J
  6. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    Butterfly. I am sorry.
  7. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Thanks for the messages guys...

    And J no pain management because when I was discharged I was pain free. I think it is my eyes causing the latest headache but if it gets any worse I am gonna have to go back. It just frightens me the prospect I could be seriously ill. It makes me feel like instead of feeling sorry for myself for being depressed the past 10 months, I should have been living my life instead of wasting it because if I am ill it is gonna be one tough battle I might not win.
  8. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    We're rooting for you. :hugtackles:
  9. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Gonna give this headache another night to settle. If it doesnt then back to hospital for me. Feeling lousy again and my temperature is up again :(
  10. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    i have never prayed since i was a little girl, but i will start tonight, for you. keep your chin up and get better soon xxx :hug: