really

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Perfect Melancholy, Apr 8, 2013.

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  1. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Cannot be fucked reaching out, trying, you know the funniest thing: last week my boss asked if I was free next month for a meeting I said no my contract ends in a week, HE DID NOT EVEN KNOW, they extended it within an hour, but that is how invisible I am you know. And please please oh for gods sake tell me I can get help, seriously NO, I am not ringing the docs to have a phone appointment, I am not going to the crisis team at hospital because last time I did they told me only a doctor could refer me, and please it will not get better, my sister has her family now I am not needed okay

    brilliant that is all I wanted to say
     
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    You are obviously valued! As for invisible, sometime that is good, are you the one who just gets things done?
    You are needed, here if nowhere else, and I doubt that no one else needs you.
     
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    No I'm the one that got left behind
     
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    In what way were you left behind?
     
  5. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Every single fucking person in my life has moved on forgotten about me, I spend zero on phone calls each month I do not go out, believe me if I did it right now not one person would notice I am almost curious how many days it would take to notice !
     
  6. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I understand Perfect Melancholy, my position is similar. I beg to differ though, we would notice on this forum.
     
  7. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    do you have an out of hours service at your drs you can call?
     
  8. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    thanks for your help, but I am done talking now, I wish I had not created this post, but I can say now I tried almost hurts more knowing I tried you know, shit well nevermind sorry for swearing. I litreally have no words anymore
     
  9. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    actually one last thing, how fucking pointless is it talking when it makes you feel worse, no one listens. The simple answer is it confims your fears squashs that last bit of hope that you actually can get through this you know, I wish to hell I had succeeded all those years ago, want me to live? why would you want me to hurt this much by living seriously, it makes no sense to me, maybe I can be tortured more some people are simply not cut out for this life, this world or the shit in it, just open the paper, just watch the news, just look at the leaders the people who are supposed to guide us, I am not cut out for this
     
  10. HelgasAngel

    HelgasAngel Well-Known Member


    some people really aren't cut out to live....honestly for me it gets harder and harder to respond to these kind of posts because ...the part of me that believes suicide is the answer to overwhelming pain wants to just say, 'hey, if you feel this way and you decide to kill yourself. good luck and god bless.' but i don't want to come off as a jackass or cold or anything. it's just i really have nothing much to offer if a person really does feel that way. i can try to assume you're in the heat of the moment right now but i don't know you too well so I don't how far gone you are as far as depression goes. If you were that one user Michael with the four year old daughter I could be more blunt but I have a feeling that you really want to live so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that there are people on this forum who want you to live. If that isn't enough then you gotta find other things to live for. Like pick up a hobby of some sort. Art, piano, poetry, novel writing, etc. To add in some dark humor, I wouldn't want you to kill yourself because I have a special love for English Accents. One less English accent in the world would be a terrible, terrible thing<3 Rubbish Rubbish Rubbish.:p

    God bless, and if you ever decide to off yourself, know that there is probably somebody else doing the same thing, so you won't be alone. xoxoxox
     
  11. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    maybe when you not feel really like you feeling now and you've calmed down you think things through and take our advice
    do you have any one who help you right now or anywhere you can go please reach out and accept any assistance like gold dust.
     
  12. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I am sorry that you are in such a bad place. All I can say is please keep talking to us.
     
  13. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I was so hurt last night it's like your mind can take do much pain and loneliness before you just think what's the point. You fight the same thing day in, day out. Until you ask yourself why? A hope of a better tomorrow, a future? What if you've given yourself countless chances, each failed. What if the pain of just living is to much. The pain of just being you, others may like you yes. But what if fundamentally you hate yourself to the extreme that the only relief would be death?

    That is where my mind is at
     
  14. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I wish I could help, other than to say keep coomunicating Perfect Melancholy.
    Why do you hate yourself?
     
  15. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    not really, I hate talking hence it comes out in massive rants when it boils over, now I am calm I am just bottling it up, for maybe what a few hours, days, then the urge will get to big, and I think it will be bye bye Rich

    Thank you for your words and support that alone is beyond amazing, but please focus on you
     
  16. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Rich please don't hurt yourself when you get the urge or try to kil yourself
    life is precious
     
  17. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    You know I spent most of last night cutting my arm, deeper each time, woke up this morning wishing I had gone deeper even. I went to work as normal in agony no one noticed no one saw how sad I looked, life is precious maybe, but wasted alone
     
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