Really?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sweetsweet, Jul 7, 2008.

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  1. sweetsweet

    sweetsweet Well-Known Member

    I swear it is basically impossible to meet someone in real life who just gets me(at least to a certain degree I'm tipsy now. I plan on taking more pills with alcohol on Friday. I was finally able to get some adderall. we'll see how that reacts with the other drugs.

    Anyways, not many people out there are really in touch with their feelings and true need. They cover it up with a bunch of bullshit. Like those people who talk about how Kurt Cobain would have saved music if he were still alive. Those people don't know shit about Cobain(I'm no expert either) but I get the feeling that he won't care for most of his "fans" I think the guy was really talented but I'm not surprised he killed himself. If I had the kind of money he had I would still be trying to commit suicide. I also feel that parent's getting divorced at an early age connection with him. Probably why I'm so fucked up. Anyways, I've been drinking and I told myself that the next time I was drinking alone that I would try playing the hanging game.
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    um, what is the hanging game? i don't like the sound of that....
    for me, drinking always makes me more suicidal. it's not the best state of mind to be in for making any life or death decisions. what's going on?
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Dont play the hanging game :no:
    someone will have to find you, and the game wont be so much fun then :no:

    I agree with catherine, drinking makes me suicidal too and want to play the hanging game. Im drunk now(mixed with xanax:biggrin:), but todays not my day to play that game :yes:

    i have no idea what i am writing, but i hope you being to feel better soon,
    you should really stop drinking, it will make you feel worse.
     
  4. sweetsweet

    sweetsweet Well-Known Member

    I ended up being alright. I get like that when I drink. I was distracted by someone and by the time we finish I was too tired. But I still plan on mixing some stuff together on Friday and drinking.

    By the way, I like the name Daisychain. There's a new song on Matthew Sweet's album called that.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    How are you doing today sweetsweet, Im thinking of you :hug:
     
  6. sweetsweet

    sweetsweet Well-Known Member

    I'm doing better, but I know I am going to go out and get beer tomorrow. I just know I will no matter how much I tell myself not to. Then once I start drinking I loosen up and decide to act on all those self harming thoughts I have.

    I still plan on mixing the adderall with other meds on Friday and drinking. I'll probably just end up vomitting. But thanks for thinking about me. I just wish I could figure things out.
     
  7. silent_beast

    silent_beast Active Member

    It's always hard trying to meet someone that understands us. That's simply because we are each individuals in our own right. I wouldn't take it personally though. And the fact you were drinking is also a contributing factor to your onset of suicidal feelings. Don't do anything if you're not in rational thought. It's good that your doing better and hopefully you will continue to do better.
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    If you know it will cause you a problem, then why do it? Don't allow yourself to do what you are considering for Friday night. I believe you would rather feel better than worse. Find something else you can do to keep you away from that temptation.
     
  9. sweetsweet

    sweetsweet Well-Known Member

    I will try not to drink today but it's probably going to happen. I'm like an addict with this abusing my body and seeing if certain things will kill me type stuff. I feel pretty safe right now though.
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    please dont OD hun:sad:

    We are here for you, if you need someone to listen or to talk with, dont feel that you are alone :hug:

    I really hope you reconsider :arms:
     
  11. sweetsweet

    sweetsweet Well-Known Member

    I don't know. I just really really want to get away from this life. As far as I can possibly get. I've been drinking again but I don't think I'll try anything now. It will be great when all this shit is over though.
     
  12. sweetsweet

    sweetsweet Well-Known Member

    Well the alcohol and adderrall didn't work. All it made me do was talk to everyone I could possibly reach. Which basically happens when I'm drunk. But no real crazy or dandgerous side effect. Going to have find a different route.
     
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