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reason to live has gone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by IV2010, Jan 16, 2010.

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  1. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    3 weeks ago i lost my reason for living....my 24 year old son Paul took his own life...
    I have 3 daughters who haven't bothered about me since his death ( and before it) and 4 grandchildren whom I rarely see...they all live close to me but Paul was the only one who ever bothered about me...he visited me often and we'd txt every day....he cared...
    I have struggled with depression all my life and had a reason to get up each day for him...
    i miss him so much and the pain is too much to bear..
    I wish that I could not wake up tomorrow...
    I wonder how long before am unable to control the urge to end it ..
  2. Dharma4815162342

    Dharma4815162342 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry! I'm sure losing a child that way is unbearable. I wish there was something I could say that would heal all your wounds. Just think of how your son would want you to live your life.
  3. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    That's horrible. I hope you get all the support you need. Sorry for your loss.
  4. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry... I want to ask questions, but am afraid too....

    Have you ever lost someone close to you before?

    My dad died 9 months ago. The first few weeks I couldn't sleep well and I had terrible nightmares. Sometimes I would drive to my house and then all of a sudden just sit there in the car and cry. People - if talking by - would stare at me and wonder what was wrong with me.... The mind has a way of working painful situations like this. It takes lots of time, but things will get better. Can you talk to anyone about this? Aren't your daughters deeply saddened?

    No parent should have to see their child die.... Unfortunatley it happened once it my family, and its going to happen again very soon....

    Nothing seems to make sense. Things just happen and theres nothing we can do. I feel so helpless, as I'm sure you do....

    Its a void and nothing can fill it....

    I'm sorry...
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry for your loss He was so young. I know my daughter is 21 and has almost died twice now. It was their sadness that took them in the end it was not what they wanted. I hope you can reach out to anyone to talk get grief councilling please get help as the pain is to heavy to handle on your own.
    I just lost my brother to suicide and i have terrible bouts of pain so i know yours will be greater. Get help please don't fight this alone.
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I am seeing a psychologist but not finding it helpful...she just listens and that's all.....
    it really hurts when I think of my girls not being there for me or for Paul when he was alive......Paul didn't approve of the way they treated me and his hope was when he was gone that the family would come together again...
    it's not happening and he's left me all alone to cope with this by myself..
    I am not angry with him as I suffer with depression too so I understand how he felt...
    I just don't want to cope with any more pain...
    I lost my Mum 6 and a half years ago and my Dad 2 years ago but nothing compares to this...
    I have nothing to go on for...
  7. yorkie bar

    yorkie bar Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss hug xx

    I could'nt bear to lose one of my children

    love and hugs yorkie xx
  8. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    I am so sorry. :hug:

    Its a shame you don't get on with your daughters

    Just keep talking about things, you never know, you could find someone here to talk to about things.

    I know no one can replace your son but maybe over time you could some to terms with things

    :hug: you're in my thoughts
  9. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    im so sorry for your loss :arms:

    have you thought about family counselling, where your daughters and you could all recieve counselling together, it could really work for you. :hug: jsut thought i would suggest it.

    i hope you can find a useful therapist soon, as you really deserve one :arms:
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I am sorry for your loss.. Just remember as long as you hold him in your heart he will always be there for you..I think if you were to find a good therapist you will see the difference from a phsycologist.. Therapists talk to you and teach you coping skills..It took me three therapists before I found one I could bond with..Keep talking to us.. It's better to let your pain out than to hold it in..We are here to offer you support and maybe a little advice..Take Care!!
  11. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    My deepest sorrows...J
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