Reason to self harm *may be triggering*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Green.Triceratops, Mar 29, 2011.

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  1. Green.Triceratops

    Green.Triceratops Account Closed

    I want to self harm. And i know it doesn't help and scars don't go away for years.. I havent done it in a few months but i always return eventually.

    I get to thinking of how pathetic i am. How i cant hurt myself because i'm weak. So i have to do it to show myself i'm strong. That i can take pain and not be a completely worthless p*ssy.

    Anyone else feel like this? I dont see it anywhere, just the opposite really.

    I keep tellin myself that theres nothing wrong with me, but even i'm having trouble buying that.
     
  2. Green.Triceratops

    Green.Triceratops Account Closed

    Wow. Either there is no one who feels like i do or no one cares enough to even encourage me. Next time i post ill be sure to overdramatize the post with a more eye-catching title like "the thoughts make me want to kill my family".

    Thanks all. Wheres the thread delete button? I'm just taking up space on your forum for people who have more interesting mental issues now. Moderator if you read this delete this thread please.
     
  3. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    hi there
    i dont feel this way but i can understand why you do. it makes sense.
    i self harm(ed) bc i felt like my mind was slipping away and something was taking over my body. yeah sounds weird. i guess as a way to feel in control over one's body. also as a punishment.
    maybe that has to do with why you do it, to feel in control? of your body or in general.
     
  4. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    This post is difficult to respond to due to the reason for self harm. From my experience most people do self harm due to stress, anger, or some other uncomfortable emotion. Doing this to prove your strength can probably be done in a much healthier way. If the core reason is some emotional stress, your way of thinking about it only encourages yourself to keep on doing it.
     
  5. Green.Triceratops

    Green.Triceratops Account Closed

    It doesnt have to do with strength so much as withstanding pain. But you're probably right about my emotions encouraging my actions. I know that since i have stopped self harming, i wrestle with my brothers until they cause pain. They think i just play around a lot, but its my way of getting them to hurt me instead of me hurting me.

    If they knew that they'd never wrestle around wih me i suppose. (lol makes me sound like a 10 year old but its true)

    Thats how i'm able to go months without cutting.
     
  6. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    Even though your reasons for wrestling are bad, your results are better. If you cut you risk infection and get scars, by wrestling you probably are getting the emotions out with fewer risks. Hope you can change the reasons, but wrestling instead of cutting is a positive step.
     
  7. angelheart

    angelheart Active Member

    I was playing bloody knuckles with my friend, that helped a lot, just like your wrestling. Finding a sport like basketball or something would probably help, especially if ur playing with ppl who don't really care about getting rough. I did that in PE when it wasn't really structured and it helped a lot. Got some anger out without doing any real damage
     
  8. I don't know if I'm different than anyone else, but my reasons have affected me for a long time.
    I've been told that I'm worthless for most of my life. My family always told me that I'd never be good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough. I remember my mom laughing at me at one point and telling me that the dress I was wearing was made for someone 'without rolls.'
    I guess that I started to feel worthless. I'm not stupid, and I'm not ugly or fat, or so I've heard from people outside my family. But when you hear something this much, it starts affecting you. I'd find myself thinking that I was worthless whenever I did something wrong.
    I'd find myself looking in the mirror and hating the way I looked because it wasn't how my family expected me to look.
    That's why I cut. Because it's something that I can control, something that I can say, 'Yeah, it's stupid. Yeah, it's awful. But no one else knows and they aren't going to say anything about it.'
    It's mine.
     
  9. undercoverlover

    undercoverlover Well-Known Member

    I feel the way you do.
    I self harm, but I'm too much of a wimp to cut myself. I hit myself. It doesn't bring me relief; I do it to get my anger out.

    A way to show your strength is to stop self harming altogether; you're a strong, wonderful person. I know it. The fact that you have the courage to make a thread here in this forum is proof enough for me. Sometimes when I make threads, I break down crying, thinking that no one will care, or they'll make fun of me. Or that I don't make sense.
    You had the courage to do that. So you have the courage to stop self harm. Even the wrestling with your brothers (as you mentioned in another post) is not the way to go. The exercise involved with wrestling is good for you; the vitamin Serotonin is a vitamin that is increased as you exercise, and many people with depression lack that vitamin. It sounds like you are depressed.
    You can dig yourself out of this ditch; I sense lots of courage in you. A way to get all of your emotions out is right here, in this forum. There is a section where you can rant, or make a member diary. Also, this may sound cheesy, but punching pillows is VERY effective.
    My prayers and thoughts go out to you.
     
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