I'm finding myself increasingly isolated and I hope this is a good place to find like-minded people, who have thought what I am thinking, and who can tell me what comes next. I have had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember, and it's only been a couple of years since I realised that this isn't a healthy thing. I made a couple of half-hearted teen attempts, but when I got to university things got serious and I was committed. I came out of hospital under supervision of my family, but spent the next few months revising my plan, and made a serious attempt to OD, which was thoroughly thwarted by simple dialysis (the last thing I remember before I blacked out was the ambulance men knocking on the door and I was thinking, it's going to be a race between me and the hospital - let's see who wins!) Since then I have sorted myself out a bit, at least in terms of functioning, and I now have a full-time job, a long-term relationship, etc. But I'm still suicidal. My suicidal thoughts used to be governed by panic and depression and fear, and now it's morphed into something more low-level, more philosophical and much more constant. I don't know if I'm wrong, and I don't know if I'm sick. Having tried to find out if I'm sick: the doctors I've spoken to tell me that I'm incapable of reason, and use this as a way to avoid discussing suicide with me as a real issue: their logic goes that I'm suicidal, therefore I'm insane, and vice versa. (How can you tell I'm insane? Because you're suicidal. Why am I suicidal? Because you're insane. - and so on.) This may sound trite but I have literally had this conversation with a consultant, who then threatened to have me sectioned if I didn't take antidepressants. My other experiences with various professionals have not been much better, including my GP who tried to convert me to Christianity. So how can I tell if I'm insane, if their logic doesn't hold? Trying to find out if I'm wrong is a whole lot harder. As far as I have been able to find, a lot of people appear to be suicidal in a reactionary kind of way, and all advice seems to be geared towards these people - I think because it's easier to respond to them. What do you do if you just don't want to be a part of the world, if you don't like the flaws inherent in the way people think and act, and if you don't see a great deal of reason not to commit suicide? Is there any answer to this? Am I missing something? So, if anybody feels like it, would you please be able to tell me why you are suicidal and whether you think we could talk about it? Thanks, Hannah.