today I went to my therapist and i had a really good conversation with her about how I felt about myself. Long story short I told her that I felt like I don’t really matter and that while I’m not suicidal, my life doesn’t really have a purpose and I burden those around me. My therapist told me that I matter to her and I matter my family and that people care about me more then I believe they do. I got really choked up and it made me think about the times my family comes through for me when I really need them and I guess I forget about that because I’m so busy hating myself. She told me to make a list of reasons why I matter and to ask family members what they love about me and write one thing down every day. I guess I needed to hear that someone else cares about me even when I don’t care about myself. Not having friends is something that has always hurt me personally and I judge my worth on the number of friends I have so it’s always been pretty much zero. Maybe my negative self image effects my ability to make friends? Maybe I just haven’t found the right person? Who knows, but I do know I have to learn to love myself first.