* i have no goals, interests, or passions, and don't think i will ever find any * the only guy i've ever been in love with (ex-boyfriend) is not in love with me, never will be, and probably never was. he even hates me now/wants nothing to do with me, because i am awful * nobody will ever be in love with me * i have no interest in sex anymore, and now the thought of emotional intimacy terrifies me * i hate being sober, but now drinking and pot don't even help anymore * i come off as intelligent to most people, but i'm actually quite stupid/vapid * i get dumber everyday. i don't even know how to use my mind anymore * i can't even read a book anymore * my mind doesn't function the way it used to, no matter how much i try * my memory is shot * learning new things feels increasingly impossible * i am almost 32 yrs old and have nothing to show for it * i am broke and will always be broke * i can't even afford to take care of a cat or a dog, just paying rent is a struggle * all i do is work meaningless, shit jobs, and that's all i'll ever do * i will never be able to afford to travel * i'm self-centered and selfish * i suck at life * i'm a loser/pathetic * i feel empty all of the time * i have nothing to offer anyone * i never have anything of worth or interesting to say * i suck at socializing * i'm lonely all of the time, but afraid of social interactions * it's getting almost impossible to hang out with the few friends i have, i don't want to subject them to me and i don't know why they even like/hang out with me * i feel extremely inadequate next to all of my friends, ex-bf's, acquaintances * i'm extremely boring * people only like me 'cause i'm "nice" * i feel like i was meant to be alone * i'm completely talentless, i suck at everything. seriously, i'm not good at anything. * nobody would really miss me except for my mom * there will be no one to take care of me if i grow old and am unable to take care of myself * on top of being dumb, i'm nothing special to look at * things like music, lit, art have no true effect on me anymore, or interest me * i have no attention span anymore. i can barely pay attention to things on netflix, hulu, etc. * i can't think of a hobby that interests me, and quickly fell out of the ones i've tried * my life has no meaning * getting out of bed for anything except my stupid job is becoming increasingly difficult * i hate myself * i feel completely worthless * i'm depressing and boring. why would anyone want to be around me? * i think about wanting to die everyday. many times a day. * i've spent the majority of my life wanting to die, starting at age 8, possibly younger * i have no hope for the future * only i can change these things, and i have no idea how to change any of them, and don't think i ever will. i'm sure there are more reasons. that's just what i can think of right now. reasons why i can't/shouldn't kill myself: * my mom * i don't have the guts to go with a "fool-proof" method * i might fail, yet inflict brain damage, become a vegetable, injure vital organs, etc., and become a financial and emotional burden to my family * reading attempt:success ratios/statistics for various methods is very discouraging (think shooting yourself in the head is "fool-proof?" you'd be amazed by how many people survive.) i just feel trapped in this hopeless, empty, miserable, lonely "life."