Hello this is my first post here and honestly I have no idea what I am doing. My problem is I hate this life I live and everything that happens to me. The thing that bothers me is I have for all Intents and purposes a perfect life. I have rich parents a job a car and have graduated from college. My problem is o don't care....I don't care about waking up in the morning or what happens tomorrow. I hate everything that is going on in the world and the destruction of the environment. Mostly I hate waking up every morning thinking that the only time I am happy is when I go to sleep and slip into oblivion. Every day I wake up and think...well I can kill myself today but it might get better... The problem is that I have been saying that for about 6 years and nothing has changed. I still hate my life and I still have no reasonto keep going. To explain a little more in high school I took mushrooms and had a thought that kept circling on my mind, there is no point to our existence and nothing we do reallly matters. I know this is irrational but I can't help but think no matter what I do the answer to theend of my life is a hole in the ground and nothing more. I have been trying to stay sane basically keeping myself from preceverating on this thought for too long with vidogams and various substances however it doesn't work all the time. I have tried anti depressants and focusing on family I would hurt my killing myself because Olof my selfish decision but I think I am at the end of my rope. I honestly have given up trying to find a reason because for about 6 years I have been searching and have yet to find one. Honestly at this stage I don't care about life or myself anymore I am tenously holding onbecaume of what my death would do fOr my family but that is becoming more and more fragile. I have reached what I think is the end and need help finding ananswer that can keep me going. Please help me fond ananswer therapy and drugs haven't worked and I honestly don't know what else to do. Thank you from the bottom of my family's heart for your answer because I honestly have no hope left. Good night for now going to pass out and avoid anything doing anything really dumb tonight because the Oblivion of sleep sounds good but tomorrow will bring the same shit as always.