Reasons to live (ease don't read if you are depressed)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Solmear, May 23, 2011.

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  1. Solmear

    Solmear Member

    Hello this is my first post here and honestly I have no idea what I am doing. My problem is I hate this life I live and everything that happens to me. The thing that bothers me is I have for all Intents and purposes a perfect life. I have rich parents a job a car and have graduated from college. My problem is o don't care....I don't care about waking up in the morning or what happens tomorrow. I hate everything that is going on in the world and the destruction of the environment. Mostly I hate waking up every morning thinking that the only time I am happy is when I go to sleep and slip into oblivion. Every day I wake up and think...well I can kill myself today but it might get better... The problem is that I have been saying that for about 6 years and nothing has changed. I still hate my life and I still have no reasonto keep going. To explain a little more in high school I took mushrooms and had a thought that kept circling on my mind, there is no point to our existence and nothing we do reallly matters. I know this is irrational but I can't help but think no matter what I do the answer to theend of my life is a hole in the ground and nothing more. I have been trying to stay sane basically keeping myself from preceverating on this thought for too long with vidogams and various substances however it doesn't work all the time. I have tried anti depressants and focusing on family I would hurt my killing myself because Olof my selfish decision but I think I am at the end of my rope. I honestly have given up trying to find a reason because for about 6 years I have been searching and have yet to find one. Honestly at this stage I don't care about life or myself anymore I am tenously holding onbecaume of what my death would do fOr my family but that is becoming more and more fragile. I have reached what I think is the end and need help finding ananswer that can keep me going. Please help me fond ananswer therapy and drugs haven't worked and I honestly don't know what else to do. Thank you from the bottom of my family's heart for your answer because I honestly have no hope left. Good night for now going to pass out and avoid anything doing anything really dumb tonight because the Oblivion of sleep sounds good but tomorrow will bring the same shit as always.
  2. Silent1

    Silent1 Well-Known Member

    Hi i know how you feel about the world feeling like nothing. on the rare time i do go outside i see the world it seems from a diffrent pair of eyes. i see the cars the traffic the old lady walking across the street the couple sitting drinking coffe i observe everything and it all makes me think about the bigger picture and i dont know what that is. thats one of the big parts of my depression.
  3. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel, feeling like theres nothing or anyone that can help. Im glad that you found this site, because a couple of years ago I thought that to, until I found someone that I could really talk to about whats going on in my head, well without being committed, I should say.

    Ive been depressed as far back as I can remember, this is my life, Im labeled depressed. What brought it on or didnt doesnt really matter either, Im depressed. At first I was like you (and still get that way sometimes to), mad and just to tired to want to do anything but end it all. The real question you should be asking yourself is not what will make me happy, but how can I live with depression. Finding out what triggers your moods and how to control them. Also whether or not therapy would help you.

    If your anything like me, once I stopped fighting the life sucks stage and started working on what came after that, living with it. Things seemed so much easier, it wasnt so hard to get out of bed in the mornings. We are all differant and what helped me might not help you, do you know when you started feeling like this, is there trauma-abuse or is it just hereditary? What do you think brought these feelings on? What have you tried to deal with it?

    I hope you find the comfort you need here, and my box is always open if you ever want to chat.

  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I came to terms with my depression.. I decided it is always going to be there and it is.. I still have lack of motivation but I get up each day and tell myself , no it won't happen today.. Then I sign on here for a while and read what others have to say.. I relate to alot of it, but have learned to live with my SI..Occasionally I have my fill of things and post it here and people on the forum come to my rescue.. I had reached my breaking point a couple of months ago and between my friends here and the ones I email everyday talked me down..My point is keep posting here and let it all out.. I also agree that you should stay in therapy..I had been in it for over five years and quit going.. I can tell the difference.. So I plan on going back.. I hope you decide to talk to us rather than harming yourself.. Take Care!!
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    one thing i do when i feel suicidal and despairing about the state of the world is volunteer. i volunteer at a human rights group, and also at a drop in centre for people with mental illness.

    it makes me feel good (most organizations really appreciate their volunteers) and it is important work

    you care about the environment. why not make a difference and join a group working on saving the environment.
  6. Welcome to SF forum.. :biggrin:

    Numerous rounds of CBT and medicines did not work well on me too.. But i found something useful in the end.. (everytime you feel blue, get out of the house and run.. Keep running until you are out of breath and exhausted).. Go for marathons just like me.. Collect the medals and keep going for more.. Your family or loved ones will be devastated if they found you dead.. Just don't keep thinking about suicide.. Keep returning to this forum and post if you feel blue, angry or sad.. Many people come here for emotional support.. Don't worry, you won't get banned for it.. Just remember to come here and rant until you feel better.. :hug: Take care.. Hope to hear from you again.. You may also feel free to PM anyone of us here if you want someone to talk to..
  7. Solmear

    Solmear Member

    Thanks for the advice think I am going to try to run though my real problem is I just dont see a point to keep on trying. I just can't see what at the end makes life worth living. It's one simple question that has plagued me for ever. But regardless think looking this site up was a good idea...god bless google has ananswer for everything but my point remains I have mostly given up hope because while everything said sounds good it still hasn't answered the question. Why should I care about this world when all I really get from it is pain, why should I care.
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