reasons vs excuses

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pneuma, Apr 10, 2007.

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  1. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    I've spent the last two years trying to find a reason to live. What is a reason to live anyway? Is it something that out weighs all of the bad in your life or something that justifies your birth other than the fact that your mamma got knocked up?

    I have little to go on.

    I'm not talented, I am far from popular and pretty. I'm not good at anything.

    I don't think I believe in god. I want to believe in something bigger than us but the BS meter in my brain goes off when I explore the possibilities.

    As far as I can tell I was put on this earth for the use as everyone else's whipping girl. I'm tired of being people's emotional punching bag. I'm tired of apologizing to the world for being born.

    I don't know what to do and I'm hoping some one here has some answers.
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    As far as I can work out, the reason to stay alive is anything ranging from tiny things to massive things. Even just a glimmer of hope, something tiny and positive should be a reason for life.

    As time goes by that glimmer might become a shine, might become a sun of hope. Or you might have an aim, or goal, or dream that you want to achieve, but can't see a way to achieve it.

    A reason to live is anything little that might keep you alive, for whatever reason.

    Death is permanent, so any tiny thing that makes you doubt it, or a tiny thing that makes you feel like there might be better things in life, should be enough to make you at least postpone it.

    You should never apologise for being born. How is it your fault? Your parents did the thing, not you. You are the innocent out of what they did so why do you apologise?

    Sorry that answer is probably not very good, btu that's how I see it from my point of view, however it will probably differ from person to person.

    Hang in there and keep fighting
  3. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    I picked a college as far away from my abusive, alcoholic family as I could get. They don't have my address or number and I pay for school myself with a desk job.

    During freshman year I felt free and happy for the first time in my life. Only to hear that my nickname on campus is "loser". I tried my best to change my situation. Now I'm wrestling with the things I don't have much control over.

    I don't know how much more I can take.

    Thank you for your caring response. It's been far more helpful than my coucilor has been.
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    You know what?

    People are fucking ignorant. I read that first bit of what you wrote and was totally amazing by your strength, courage, determination and sheer bravery that led you to that college.

    I can see no way that that makes you a loser. The people that nicknamed you that are ignorant fuckers, and I don't think I have ever read a post that made me more angry and frustrated at people. I bet, had they known your story that things would be different.

    Are there any support groups or societies that you could join to meet people?

    Also, try to focus on WHY you are at college, ie to get to a certain goal, or whatever.

    I'm glad my response was somewhat helpful.

    Hang in there
  5. Sil

    Sil Well-Known Member

    Don't give a damn about what people say. It may be a clichè, but it's true. I mean it. Expecially those morons at college. what do the know? A stupid thing, even if it's said by 100 people, is still a stupid thing. Focus on the fact that in 10 years those ignorant assh**** will be selling fries and will be calling losers the ones who they see in the mirror every mornig. Laugh at them.
  6. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    Yeah, they're morons but it still hurts and it's pretty hard to ignore people when they drive by you honking their horn and flipping you off. Or when people walk by you smirking.

    I don't know how to be harder or closed off and not care.
  7. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    You would think that once you get to college people would be over that stupid high school bullshit, but some people are just immature and stupid. I really admire what you are doing and I really hope you stick with it. You have shown an amazing ability to pick yourself up from a bad situation and make your own decisions in life on YOUR terms. So don't give up! You have the strength within you to keep going.

    As far as God's existence, I think we all go through periods of doubt, but here is an article I found when I was going through something similar that made me see the universe in a whole new way:

    Also, is there a club or group you can join at your college where you can meet people with similar interests and passions? If so, I strongly recommend checking it out. This is a great way to make real friends.
  8. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    I'm a member.. er... I WAS a member of several clubs when I first got to college. I dropped them because I don't have the time. I'm taking full time classes and working full time.

    I might take next fall semester off and volunteer at the women's shelter here in town. I think it'll give me some hope that I can make a difference.
  9. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I think that might be a good idea. It's amazing how it can feel to help others, and to have others only judge you by what's in your heart. But if you do, make a promise to yourself that you will somehow finish your degree. Don't let ignorant and immature people decide your future. You're a strong person and I have faith that you will make it through this!
  10. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i want to say just how awesome it is that you are even going to college and how much i commend you for working your way through it. i never thought i would say this about college students but apparently they need to go back to high school and learn exactly what a loser is. i in no way shape or form see any bit of loser in you. what you have done has taken alot of courage something i myself never had. you are doing awesome. keep it up and ignore all the ignoramous'.

    you said you don't know how to be harder or closed off so this stouf doesn't bother you. i would like to encourage you they really are not acting their age. not only that i firmly believe it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. your chosing to go to school was a very solid choice you made and a great one at that. i would encourage you to try to stand in that you are not there for them. you are there for you. it takes practice having a strong mind, but i want to encourage you to practice faithfully. it will pay off to have a strong mind filled with determination. believe it or not you've already begun.

    i won't bore you anymore. hang in there and remember you are doing this for you not them. you are what's important here. i can no more sincerely say these people don't have a clue their not worth your time or energy. your energy can be best spent on your classes. please take care of yourself and i hope to hear updates on how this is going.
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