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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by She's Lost Control, May 11, 2011.

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  1. I am bipolar/OCD. Going on 39 now, in a society where 30 is the end of life apparently.

    I can't get any job at all. My college degree has become worthless.

    I don't see how I will ever again earn money in a legal way.

    Also, I am very lonely.

    Not only no chance of a career, but never a chance for a woman/love.

    If I'm never having a career because I'm not the God every employer looks for... if I'm never having a girfriend/wife because I'n not the God they look for, and therefore will never have children...

    Why should I keep living? I'm extra. The World doesn't want me. Employers have sent the message: I'm a worthless piece of s( ) that must die!

    Yeah, mother is still alive. When she goes, I'm out. No point in continuing w/o career, w/o love, w/o money, under a bridge...

    What can life offer me now?
  2. Groznyji

    Groznyji Active Member

    How long have you been looking for a job? There are a lot of very intelligent people that are out of work right now because of the economy. It has nothing to do with your value.

    I can also somewhat identify with what you're going through. I've been out of college for two years now and I am also struggling to find work (part of my reason for having signed up for this forum). I am now planning on returning and getting a different degree that I think will be more useful.

    I'd like to hear a little more about your situation if you wouldn't mind sharing.
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    please don't talk yourself into thinking that things will never get better!

    in order for things to get better, it's usually helpful if not necessary to believe that they can get better

    you have a lot of good things going for you, I think. career, relationship, these are all things that can fall into place

    there's no guarantee that things will get better, but I think that life can get better for you, and I hope that it does!


  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey sheslostcontrol - sorry to hear about your problems and especially the pressure of work. You have a degree and could always take a new one perhaps?

    As for thirty being the end - guess I'm done for. They must be calling for me soon to liquidate me or something as I'm in my 40s. I'm unemployed and sometimes wonder if I can be honest and survive, but I guess I can, well, give and take the odd non deceleration of earnings, lol.

    I worry about my parents going also - I'm single like you so I guess I'm the one who has the main task of caring, seems as I'm not working or married I have time. That is something when you are feeling a bit productive. I'm sure you help your mother out and just enjoy the time you have with her rather than focus on her dying.

    Just show her love now - that's enough.

    On the bright side - We'll inherit all manner of bizarre ornaments. (dark joke)

    As for loneliness - your still young enough to meet a nice woman and have a child. I guess you have to be around people to meet someone you click with. There is someone for everyone - and an intelligent guy like yourself would be a catch.

    Plenty of women suffer with mental illness but that does not exclude them from romance. I guess its the putting yourself down that is the main barrier between you and some romance.

    Hope things can turn around this year.

    Dress well, keep clean and be yourself.
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm also bipolar, not working, single and in my 40's. sounds grim, but i haven't given up. i keep busy by volunteering, i volunteer at a human rights organization and at a drop in centre for people with mental illness. it will look good on my resume when i'm ready to return to work, and keeps me out of trouble. it's nice to be valued for my work. and it helps with the loneliness.
  6. colorblinded

    colorblinded Member

    Dazzle has got the right idea. I'm 25, out of college 2, shucks...no...3 years with an art degree. I have a pretty good job right now in that I am financially set, but the work is boring and in the grand scheme of things utterly pointless.

    I'm giving up the job (and the housing and meals that come with it) to camp out in the woods for the summer and work (mostly volunteer, some minimal pay) on my local skatepark, and others in the area full time. Doing this is something that makes a direct positive impact on my community, and frankly has been the only thing that has gotten me through the last 2 years.

    I had a precise plan to end it all within the next 2 weeks. Nobody I know has any idea how low I've let myself get. I've been extremely inactive for the past 4 months but...

    Today, for the first time this year, I went down to the skatepark, and I got some shit done. I will work on it tomorrow, possibly the next day, and start building myself some momentum.

    I had never come that close to the edge before, but that doesn't matter. I'm starting to back away.

    If you really want to live, find a way to positively affect someone else's life and focus whatever energy you have on doing that. Other than that all you can do is hope that the rest will fall into place...even if it's not what you expect.
  7. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I'm in my early 30's but I can relate to how you feel. I don't have a job either and no one wants to hire me. No boyfriend or husband here either. I'm not of any value to anyone. I feel like I should be thrown out with the trash.

    Atleast you have a degree- that's something to be proud of. I hope things get better for you.
  8. Dazzle: I noticed you live in Canada. I don't think the USA is as kind to poor people who are not Gods or perfect perfection.

    Where the F do you live if you don't earn money???? How can you have access to a computer??
  9. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hey my psychiatrist signed for me to be on disability because of my bipolar. i wasn't stable and i had been hospitalized a few times for being suicidal. that was enough to be granted disabiliity under the provincial program. i know it's hard to apply but perhaps you could investigate applying in the states. i know there are members here who are on disability in the states who could advise you.

    until i got cheap internet at home i used the public library. it's always free there.
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