well its been a few days since i posted here, i havenet felt any different then back then, when i wake up i still think only 1 thought all day long, its a relationship that i think may go down the toilet. i feel hurt, to cry, i try not too. then i go into an anger mode and say they are not worth my friendship, love. then i feel the same hurt all over again. first thing i did was to look for someone else to replace my thinking patterns. so i went to find someone in a personal ad online, they want to meet me on saturday if they still do i dunno. maybe. i wonder if this is a good coping strategy to heal the pain i constantly suffer from. its not just a lover, its my only friend. without them i will be alone in life, doing the same thing over and over again, and i am losing my mind. i have yet to talk to this person i care for deeply since march 5th. when i got some bad energy from that night. and is driving me insane until the next time i get to see them, and ask them whats going on. i have gone through it a million times since then, and each way goes into i trust what they say, or i tell them never to talk to me again, cause i dont believe them. they were quite insulting in my mind the night of the 5th, other frriend of theres was here, and i felt like a third wheel, yet they were drunk at the time. Thats the only reason i havenet cut myself yet, is incase i meet this new person, i dont want them to know about this. hoping i can heal rebounding with another relationship so i feel wanted.