Recent Attempt, Considering a Redo

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LexiRN, Oct 3, 2014.

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  1. LexiRN

    LexiRN Active Member

    I was undergoing ECT for bipolar depression and it was working like a charm...until it wiped my memory out completely for a few days and I was forced to stop treatment. I was dropped like a rock back into my hell. I had a serious attempt on my life about 2 weeks ago that landed me in a brief stint in the medical ICU, then the medical floor, and then a very brief stint in the psychiatric ward. I returned to work full time the day after I was discharged from the psych ward. I work full time as a night nurse. I have only been able to achieve about 5 hours of sleep since Monday night with my work schedule. My family has driven up to be with me this weekend during the aftermath. Problem is, I am very intent fully considering re attempting my life soon. I haven't selected a method yet, but it feels inevitable. I can't and won't live this way. All the good things I have going for me in my life aren't even enough to seriously distract me from my vision. I don't know what I am hoping for, but meds and the psych ward never change anything. I always get dumped back into my hell. So why do I even go those routes for help? They only keep my body alive and don't end my suffering. I'm tired of suffering and ready to be done.
     
  2. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    Sad to hear you are in this place. How about a change of life in other ways rather than killing yourself? A change of work, a change of environment?
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    REdo not necessary it will only bring not only you more pain but your family I do not know how long you have been a nurse but i have been one for a very very long time and i can tell you suicide attempts only harm more ok your suicide will not only take your life it won't ok it will take so many more with you

    Go back to hospital go back to your doctor you know there is new treatments out there for hard to treat depression ask the doc to try them ok

    You cannot know what the future will bring in ways of treatment no one can I am sorry you are suffering i know that pain i do but to pass that pain onto your family to the people that love you you do not want that you don't

    Go back to hospital and tell them what you are thinking so you can stay safe
     
  4. DianeD

    DianeD New Member

    Life is shit. I`m here because I thought I wanted to die. But because I came here it has made me realise why my head is fucked. Attempted Rape, BF that tried to kill me, Lockerbie Air Disaster Big Brother that is fucked up after Lockerbie.
     
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