I was undergoing ECT for bipolar depression and it was working like a charm...until it wiped my memory out completely for a few days and I was forced to stop treatment. I was dropped like a rock back into my hell. I had a serious attempt on my life about 2 weeks ago that landed me in a brief stint in the medical ICU, then the medical floor, and then a very brief stint in the psychiatric ward. I returned to work full time the day after I was discharged from the psych ward. I work full time as a night nurse. I have only been able to achieve about 5 hours of sleep since Monday night with my work schedule. My family has driven up to be with me this weekend during the aftermath. Problem is, I am very intent fully considering re attempting my life soon. I haven't selected a method yet, but it feels inevitable. I can't and won't live this way. All the good things I have going for me in my life aren't even enough to seriously distract me from my vision. I don't know what I am hoping for, but meds and the psych ward never change anything. I always get dumped back into my hell. So why do I even go those routes for help? They only keep my body alive and don't end my suffering. I'm tired of suffering and ready to be done.