Recent attempt, still struggling

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by gravylynn, Aug 25, 2016.

  1. gravylynn

    gravylynn Member

    I go on and off with these feelings of suicide and they never stop. After another conversation with my girlfriend in which she just didn't understand what I was saying, I realized I just couldn't take it anymore. Needless to say, I wasn't successful, but I am still feeling after effects. This attempt is less than 18 hours old. Am I just taking things too seriously with her, or is she really just not understanding what she's doing to make me feel this bad?

    In a nutshell, things with her build and build. I cannot drive because of an illness, so I am trapped at home daily. I rely on her for essentially all that I do and all that I need. When I make a request at the grocery store, 'oh, they didn't have it'. When I ask to go out on the weekends, she doesn't feel like it. If her friends or family make similar requests, she amazingly has all the time in the world. When we have a conversation, she makes me feel like I am speaking a foreign language. Any question I ask either gets ignored (supposedly she didn't hear me), or she answers with some off the wall answer. I don't get it. I just couldn't take it anymore.

    She knew what I had done, I asked her to come home early from work. Of course she couldn't; blah blah blah, so many excuses. When she did get home, she went right to the dogs and said 'I'm sorry this happened to you'. I was NEVER acknowledged at all. She never asked how I was feeling, if I needed any water, if I needed help to go to the bathroom, etc. It's like I didn't exist. Apparently to her a suicide attempt is nothing serious. Her actions make me want to go further.

    I can't afford ($$$) to live without her right now. I don't know what to do. She has no idea she's killing me, literally (almost) and figuratively.

    Is everyone who deals with a person who fails at their attempt always like this? My second failure involved her and she actually came to visit me. I have no idea what's wrong with her now.
     
  2. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Hello gravylynn, I am Mox

    Hello and thank you for joining us at SF. Thank you for sharing your story with us. The more you share the more we can help you. I invite you to read my personal story below in green. Just know you are not alone in your pain and suffering. Everyone here is battling his/her own demons. You are among friends. No one will ever insult you or ridicule you for any reason; that BS is not tolerated here. We will give you emotional support and lots of hugs. If you are feeling like you are going to hurt yourself that you will take yourself to the nearest ER and get the help you need. The help you deserve. We want you to be SAFE. If you are having a bad day or if you are upset do not hesitate to reach out to someone here at SF and we will help you the best way we can.

    Do you think couples counseling would help you guys? I have a feeling you like you are totally ignored, and disrespected by the one person that is supposed to care about you. Am I close with that? It sounds like you still care for her; but you don't think it is being returned? Obviously you feel stuck with her, because you are so dependent on her.

    Is there some community groups that can pick you up, and take you somewhere?

    What is the best for us to help you?

    Take Care
     
  3. gravylynn

    gravylynn Member

    Hi Mox,
    Thanks for your response. I just read your story and I don't know how you do it. I didn't divulge a lot on my post and, believe me there is a lot more. I just stuck to what is pertinent to the now.

    I came here to tell my story, to get support, and to find out that some people do get support from others when they are in this situation.

    Couples counseling? you're funny! She won't even take me out to eat when I have a BOGO coupon, and you think couples counseling is an option? I don't think so. I don't think I even care for her anymore. I feel exhausted around her. It's so hard to explain, but I just think she's the most selfish person around, well, once she comes home. Outside of the house she's not like that. If I point it out to her, I'm crazy. I just can't take it.

    I just heard the theme song to One Day At a Time and burst into tears. Why can't things be so simple?

    I do know that I have to appear that I haven't been crying by the time she gets home. If it looks as if I've been crying, that's another issue. In a 'normal' family this wouldn't be the case. Lita and Ozzy have the perfect song. If that isn't the case, I'm going back to bed.
     
  4. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    I actually know this feeling. It is the same way I felt around my ex-wife, before I could take the children and escape. She still is a very selfish person. Your SO sounds very selfish also. I know what I went through was not easy.But I can not imagine what you are going through with your medical conditions , and her acting the way she does on top of it.

    How long have you two been together?

    Why is your crying an issue? What happens when she suspects you have been crying?

    Are you able to have a counselor come out to your residence , and give you therapy for everything you are going through?

    How can we help you more?

    Take Care