Recent, horrifying and unnecessary hospitalization!!!!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by betteroffunknown, Jun 1, 2016.

  1. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    I want to start this off by saying this is going to be a long post, but I also firmly believe it will be worth your while to take time to read it. Please keep in mind I don't want it to discourage anyone from seeking out the help someone actually needs!!!!!!

    Now I'm going to share about my recent, horrifying and unnecessary hospitalization experience.

    On Sunday, May 15, 2016 I had been triggered thru a conversation with my father. It wasn't him; he had simply relayed a message which sparked my anxiety BIG time (due to a previous trauma). Most of the time (not all the time) when I experience anxiety I actually experience it the nerves themselves. It feels like the vibration sound you'd hear in major power lines, and I feel it thru every nerve in my body from my shoulders, arms and chest down to my feet. It doesn't hurt, but it is bothersome especially when I can't get it to stop.

    I worked for 7.5hrs to try to get the anxiety back into check, and had tried everything I could think of at the time to do so. I had listened to mellow, encouraging music; had a friend over, and we even went to a couple stores (distraction). I did deep breathing exercises, played with my dog, and did some mindfulness exercises that my therapist has encouraged. I also took my anxiety meds (the prescribed amount), and still couldn't get it managed. Now I could have simply continued popping anxiety meds till it was resolved, but I wasn't looking to be irresponsible or over do it, so I decided to go to the ER to see if they could help. I had done this once before (when I was originally diagnosed), and it had proven to be helpful other than the fact I was left walking home at 11:30pm, down the side of a highway, and partially intoxicated from the med they gave me (via IV).

    What I couldn't/wouldn't have expected is what happened this time. I had spoken with the ER Dr, and she wanted me to see the behavioral health (BH) person on duty. The BH lady spent a whopping five or so minutes talking to me. Of course she had asked if I had thoughts of hurting myself. I said I had had a "couple fleeting thoughts" (which to me means they left as soon as they came), and of course she proceeded to ask me if I had a plan. I had shared with her that "IF (emphasized) I did anything it would be.......". The BH lady took that and ran.

    While I can see why she would be concerned she didn't ask if I would be safe if I were to go home that night (which I definitely would have cuz I was REALLY looking forward to my oldest sons bday the next day!!!), nor did she ask me how likely I would be to actually do it which are questions the crisis team thru the mental health center I go to typically ask. She simply heard those two things, and came to HER OWN conclusions. That's when my world begun to come undone!!

    I didn't know what was going on once she left. She did ask me if I had to go somewhere if I had a preference of where I'd like to go for treatment, and I told her the place (which is actually a residential treatment place - NOT like a hospital at all). I also told her they know my history, and we had worked together before.

    I'm still sitting on the bed confused as to what was going on. I couldn't understand why she would be asking about a place to go when I was just there cuz of my anxiety. I was basically left out of the loop, MOST of the time, during the remainder of my time there. Periodically she would tell me she was checking on things, and they had me change ER rooms, too.

    I was told I would be going somewhere, but not as to why hence I remained confused. On a couple different occasions the BH lady had come in to report a couple things. The first time she told me she had spoken with the crisis team thru the mental health center I receive services at, and the BH lady told me that she told them 'not to bother coming. (She) had it handled'. Now keep in mind the crisis team is significantly more thorough in their questioning, and they don't make their decisions individually. They actually consult with the supervisor several times before making any final decision. I was later told that there is NO doubt they would have just sent me home that night.

    The second thing she came in to tell me was that there was no bed at the place I had requested. I learned a few days later that she had actually LIED to me about that because there had actually been a bed available!! However, she said she would check to see if there was a place like the one I mentioned. Now there is no place like that anywhere else in the country, and I know this, but thought maybe she was thinking about sending me to one of the new respite places (which again are NOT like hospitals). That's about as close to a place like the one I had mentioned, but much later she came in to tell me the hospital she had arranged for me to go to. All I could think is that a hospital is NOTHING like either of the options I was thinking of.
  2. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    As I sat on the bed in the new room, security guard about 15ft away, I had asked if I could go to the bathroom. I was becoming more restless as time moved on simply cuz nothing was sounding good at this point. The anxiety I had gone in to receive help with was only being made 1,000x's worse. Well, I went to the restroom (still within view of the guard), and when I had come back the guard told me I needed to stay on my bed. I wasn't allowed to walk around the little room I was in!!! He ended up telling me I was on an MM1 hold. Now I know what a hold is, but what kind an MM1 was I had NO idea. I couldn't believe all this had gone this far!!!

    When the BH lady had come in and told me where I was going to be sent to I told her she was blowing this waaaaay out of proportion, but she could care less to hear it. She had her mind set on what SHE wanted to believe that had absolutely NOTHING to do with the actual facts!!!

    The ambulance came to get me to take me to the psych hospital, and while I was being transported the medic informed me that I was actually on a 72hr involuntary hold. (At NO point was I offered to go voluntarily which is mandatory to be asked here.) I said, "WHAT?????!!!!!" I couldn't believe my ears; I had NEVER been considered involuntary before!! If I thought I needed to be there I've always been the first person to say it, so this was positively mind blowing to me. I hadn't been combative, argumentative or had done anything that might result in an involuntary status.

    I arrived at the hospital at roughly 4:30am, and sat in a room till the person doing the admitting paperwork could get to me. The room couldn't have been more lifeless. There were several chairs, a few pics on the walls, and one magazine to read. Not really sure how long I sat there waiting, but if I had to guess I'd say about a half hour to 45min. Once the admitting initial paperwork was done I was taken to the ward I was being admitted to. I certainly didn't expect what came next.

    Now I've been to roughly four or five different psych wards in my distant past, and while that's a lot (to some) it's not as many as some have experienced. But in all my experiences, one even being a state hospital, I had NEVER experienced what I did at this one. I was ordered to take off ALL my clothes so they could "check for bruises and cuts". I couldn't believe it! All I could think is I didn't even need to be there, and now I must suffer this humiliation and be degraded???!!! I cried the entire time, and by the time they were done I had noticed there was actually no reason I should have had to remove my undergarments cuz they didn't even visually check those areas.

    Then once they were done humiliating me the nurse sat me down to do her admitting paperwork and do a medical check up (BP, pulse, etc). The nurse told me, "You don't look suicidal." I said, "Well, that's good, cuz I'm NOT!" She went on to tell me that the BH lady at the hospital had told her I was going to go home and kill myself that night. I told that nurse point blank that the BH lady LIED, and that I NEVER said such a thing!! The nurse said she would mention all this in the morning report.

    By the time the initial stuff was done it was somewhere between 6-6:30am, and was then taken to the room I'd be staying in. I had been awake for almost 22hrs at this point which of course wasn't helping matters, either. I tried laying down, but everyone was starting to get up and about so there was a lot of commotion and noise. Plus I had to have blood drawn, see 2 Dr's and a social worker still. By the time I was finally able to go to sleep I had been awake for 38hrs straight! How is that suppose to help ones mental state??

    The things wrong with this stay (besides the utter humiliation) were they screwed my meds up, told me when I was taking my blood thinner which was different than when I actually take it (hence would mess my numbers up), and LOST my blood they drew that first morning. I'm VERY good about taking my meds faithfully, so not to get the ones I need the most and when I actually need to be taking them was extremely bothersome to me.

    One other thing was when the medical doc was basing my blood thinner med dose on what my INR numbers were that day! If you know anything about this it's obvious he either didn't know or didn't care (either way it's not good) that the numbers he actually sees thru that test are from having taken the med 2-3 DAYS BEFORE. It takes that long for it to make a difference in the numbers. Because of either his incompetence or lack of caring my numbers went too high which means my blood wasn't clotting enough, and I would bleed a LOT if something should happen and I got cut. It could also cause unexplained bruising (which no doubt I would have been blamed for if it had happened).

    Ultimately I was discharged from the hold 36hrs early. I was told that on Tues I was either going to be sent home or to the place I had mentioned at the ER. Either way I could be content cuz at least I'd be out of that hospital. When I was transferred to the residential treatment place Tues evening is when I learned a bed had actually been available the evening of the ER visit!!! I ended up spending a week there before ultimately being discharged for home. Anxiety was finally addressed at the 2nd place although in all fairness the hospital raised the med for it minimally. Then a doc at the 2nd place increased it to the max dose one can take a day for it.

    I will share more in a bit, but this was the start of future battles to come.....

    citygirl47 likes this.
  3. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    I have been encouraged to get my records from both hospitals (ER and psych), and to make sure to get a copy of the hold report, too, so yesterday (Tues, May 31, 2016) I went to the hospital of the ER I went to. There I requested all my records for that particular visit. I found it VERY peculiar that they couldn't provide the hold report cuz they didn't have it!! They could provide what the Dr and BH lady had to say, but no hold report. I asked a friend who is very familiar with the healthcare system here, and she said when one is committed involuntarily they are suppose to keep it!

    Then today (Wed, June 01, 2016) I went to retrieve my records from the psych hospital. Again, I requested a copy of the hold report as well as all the rest. I asked the lady behind the desk if they would have it, and she said yes. She said any ER will send the report (with medics) when a patient is transported. She also said I won't receive a copy of my records from there for about 2wks, so now I wait for those.

    I told my primary doc about what happened last Fri (the 27th), and I was impressed, touched and shocked that she offered to find someone to take this up with at the original hospital (ER). She told me she's not only my Dr, she's also my advocate! She also happens to be the VP of the clinic I go to, so hopefully what she says will carry some weight but I'm not gonna hold my breath, either.

    Guess that brings all this up to speed with where it's at right now, and I'll continue to share as things take place.

    I am furious about all this, and plan to work towards the changes VERY MUCH needed so no one else with mental health issues has to experience such heartless, reckless, deceitful and horrible treatment!!! I am a consumer advocate in the healthcare system here already, and I can't see why it's not a realistic goal. It's time people like that BH lady and the hospitals they work for are held accountable to a higher standard, and aren't just admitting people for no valid reason!!! There aren't enough beds as it is let alone filling them with people who DON'T need to be there!!! Ya know??

    Ok, rant over, but again, will share more as it becomes available. Thanks for listening!!!
    Brian777 likes this.
  4. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Hi Betteroffunknown, I'm sorry you were subjected to this and thank you for sharing it. This is the sad part about mental health issues, it seems some healthcare systems think that it's okay to treat patients with less dignity and respect than they would non mental health patients. Thank you for taking a stand and following up with it.
  5. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    You're welcome!!!

    This one ticked me off REALLY bad, and I'm genuinely not content to sit idly by knowing it continues to happen!!! I also believe it'd be irresponsible and wrong for me to know this is going on and doing what I do (consumer advocate work with healthcare) and not doing something about it. Plus I'm kinda hoping it'll help with my own healing. I found it VERY traumatic!!!
    Brian777 likes this.
  6. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    Thank you for updating your story. I truly appreciate it. Not enough people stand up for their rights and I think it is strong of you to fight the system that propels this unethical behavior towards those who are not mentally stable/ healthy and/or other things. We all deserve a voice in our own treatment and what that lady did was unforgivable. Good luck in your fight.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am so sorry you went through all of this humiliation and were subject to this. Completely unacceptable. I have no words other than they are an absolute shambles and I hope you are in a better place today ((big hugs))
    betteroffunknown likes this.
  8. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Lynn!!

    Yesterday I talked about what happened with a lady I work with on an advisory board and who's in a position to hook me up with a top person at corporate behavioral health. (Surprisingly I haven't actually met him - yet.) She said she'll talk to the guy next week. She said there are all kinds of things wrong with this (I totally agreed), and it is a very long list of things that went wrong and are wrong. She said they don't support this at the corporate behavioral health level (I didn't think they did), and this guy can put a corrective action on both hospitals which means they will have to comply with whatever he assigns them and in the time he gives them.

    Now I'm sure it's not entirely that easy, but it'll be nice to be able to potentially have the opportunity to discuss this with him. I won't know for sure if this guy and I will meet till next week, but it seems like a strong possibility especially given that technically I am one of his bosses because I am on the board of directors there. Should be able to share an update about this next week!
    Brian777 likes this.
  9. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I had something VERY similar happen to me about 17 years ago. I was released from a 72 hour involuntary hold just 10 hours after it was placed because it was not legit. I was taken, in handcuffs and by two sheriff's deputies, to a hospital in another county. My psychiatrist, who the hospital BH woman refused to call before getting the hold, was LIVID that I was taken there on a hold and that he had not been contacted. He knew I did NOT need to be in hospital. I did eventually get a copy of the request for a hold that that BH lady completed and there were total lies on it such as that I carved intricate designs in both arms and legs. I only ever cut on ONE forearm and not in any design whatsoever. Long story short, I took it all the way to the top of the hospital. My bill was waived and the BH lady was written up. Still pisses me off because it was just a power move for her -- sounds like that was the case for you too. Sorry to hear this kind of shit is STILL happening. They just need to LISTEN to us. HEAR us. If I could go to the hospital and get an assessment right now, I would just so I could get connected to a psychiatrist quickly (five month wait otherwise) but I won't because I know if an assessment counselor did their brief assessment that I would be hospitalized and I truly know that will not help. Yes, I am suicidal, yes, I have a plan, but when I tell you that I am safe for now, believe me. Pisses me off -- how do they expect honesty with such shit?
  10. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Thanks for sharing your story with me!!!!! It actually helps a lot to know I'm not the only one who's experienced this even though it's sad that I'm not the only one. I'm SOOOOOO sorry to hear you experienced it, too!!!! I don't know about you, but did it leave you wondering if we're living back in the early 1900's? A friend of mine and I both had that thought cuz that's how it was handled!

    I couldn't agree more about them and expecting honesty after such things! The BH lady at my Dr's office (who's actually cool) encouraged me not to start lying cuz of this, and I won't lie for anyone (myself included) or anything!!!!! But I did tell her I absolutely refuse to go in now if (God forbid) I find myself in that kind of situation again!!! I'm REALLY having a difficult time trusting professionals, for the most part, now. I can't lump them all into one category cuz so many of them are cool and do genuinely care, but it's hard not to at the same time when something like this happens. It destroys trust, but I think that's why it was such a good move on my primary Dr's behalf to stand up to advocate for me. It leaves me a lil hopeful that they're not all gonna be on the same side and/or ganging up on me (so to speak).

    I think, on the whole, people do listen here, but as we both know - all it takes is one bad seed to ruin it for many! I'm a talker, and people (professionals and not) do listen to what I have to say, so if I go sharing this too much around here it will likely make more folks leery of receiving the help they need/want, and I don't want that to happen!!!! It'll also bring about change, too, but it's all a delicate balance!!
    Brian777 likes this.
  11. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Well, here's a small update although it doesn't feel all that small in some ways.

    Due to my desire to see some good come from this for others I totally laid myself on the line this morning. I'm part of (several) committees for my state and healthcare, and this morning I shared about my recent experience with the chair of the biggest committee I sit on.

    It's extremely daunting because I must share that I had 'fleeting thoughts' of suicide, and even had/have a plan though I had NO intent on doing it. (Can I really get them to believe that a person can have both with no intent on carrying it out?? Only time will tell.) I can barely share this with my own therapist. So to share this with someone beyond the therapy doors, and someone I have a professional relationship with is incredibly daunting and unnerving. I don't want them to be concerned for me, either.

    I'm thankful to report that what I have shared was well received!! I know I'm going to have to keep pressing forward at this point, too, in order to see this through. It's humbling in so many ways to need to open up like this, but I believe it's really important to get the point across that though people have thoughts of hurting themselves and may even have a plan doesn't prove intent!!! There is a difference!!!

    I will be following up with the individual I spoke with this morning probably sometime next week, but could be the week following. They asked that I let them know once I have all my records from both hospitals, and once I have the report back from the Patient Rep that I spoke to yesterday. The Patient Rep is suppose to report back to me by the end of next week. The person I spoke to this morning is concerned about my sharing with the Patient Rep just because it keeps the issue 'in house', and doesn't expose the need to address it beyond that. So the person I spoke to this morning suggested I take this up with the state ombudsman, too!!! So that's my next step as I wait for the reports.

    Guess that's it for now!! Thanks for listening!!!
  12. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    That was very brave of you to tell your story to the chair. I would be very nervous and unsure but you pulled through. Good luck for the future and keep us updated.
    betteroffunknown likes this.
  13. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    I'm unbelievably fumed tonight!!!!! :mad: I received the reports from the 2nd hospital this evening when I got home. Really wish I had read them in the morning because of how I'm feeling right now. Maybe ranting will help. Can only hope so otherwise sleep is out tonight, and that'd be a really bad thing.

    In the reports I was blown away with not only the inconsistencies, but also with the fact that apparently it's not even ok to have 'fleeting thoughts' of suicide. I interrupt that as now they're saying what a person can't think as if one can stop it from entering their mind!!! They can't even honestly acknowledge exactly what fleeting means; if they did they'd know the thoughts went in and left as fast as it came which means I didn't allow for it to make camp and set bon fires. It states in there I had no intent (which I made more than abundantly clear at the 2nd hospital cuz I had no opportunity to do so at the first one), so that was good to see.

    It also stated that I was physically and sexually abused by my biological father. How on earth is that even possible when I don't even know my birth parents???? I was given up at birth, and adopted when I was 10wks old. I've never met them, and don't see it ever happening!!! My adoptive father never even did either of those to me, so where on earth did they even come up with that??? I never said such a thing, and why would I when it's a long since established and known fact that I don't know my biological family?? They even stated so in other reports that I don't know my biological history, so where on earth did they come up with that?? Do they not think before they put something in someone's permanent medical record???? They also said that it was a convo with my biological father that sparked my anxiety the day I went to the ER. Hate to sound disrespectful here, but they're such morons and horribly inattentive!!!!

    In one report it even said I was dressed 'eccentric'. Anyone who knows me knows that's impossible cuz I NEVER have and NEVER will dress like that!! More power to those who do, but I'm simply not that way!!!! I have ALWAYS dressed very neutral and conservative!!! I take serious offense to that mainly because when I was nine years old I made a conscious choice to dress conservatively, and have always stuck by it!!! How on earth does that make me eccentric? What? Because I don't dress all flashy does that make me eccentric??? I truly don't understand!!!

    I'm a stickler for accuracy, and am not a liar!!!! I am completely resolved to the fact that I won't lie for anyone, myself included, or anything!!! I made that choice when I was 19yrs old, and have stood on it since. Yet the older I get, and the more I pay for other peoples lies the more infuriated I become!! I've paid some terribly severe prices for other peoples lies for far toooooo long and in some unbelievable and ruthless ways!!! My resolve to not lie will not be shaken, and will continue to stand strong on that, but when will the lies about me stop???? I don't do this to other people (and not about to start)!!! What makes people think it's ok to do to me??? I seriously don't understand!!!
    Brian777 likes this.
  14. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    This is inexcusable, these are legal medical records that they are lying on. It sounds like they used your chart to write a fiction novel. Being in the medical field these "professionals" should know the seriousness of fabrication on a medical record. I hope you're able to get some justice in this incident and have your medical record changed to reflect the truth.
    betteroffunknown likes this.
  15. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Brian!! I'm gonna HAVE to work on getting it changed. It needs to reflect the truth, NOT this crap!!! Just more to do now! Ugh
    I told my therapist last week that I've begun experiencing rage (which has rarely happened in my life - this is only the 4th time, and I'm 46yrs old), and each time I see crap like this it's only making the rage worse!!!! I scare myself when I become enraged which is probably why it's an especially good thing it happens so rarely with me.
    However, in the past it's usually been one thing that's sparked it, and then that's it. But in this situation I keep seeing more and more lies which simply continues to compound what I'm already experiencing. At this rate my therapist is gonna want to see me more than once a week, and I can't say as I blame her but still I shouldn't have to be going thru all this in the first place!!!
  16. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    I am beyond angered for you. The lying about your history is bad enough but hopefully can be rectified and be an opportunity to show what lying douches they are. But also judging you based on the way you're dressed? Who cares how you're dressed and what does that have to do with your mental state? These people are so unprofessional. They don't deserve to have their jobs. I hope it all works out for you and I'm sorry you have to go through this again.
    betteroffunknown likes this.
  17. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I am in NO way standing up for the hospital staff but I bet they confused you and another patient when writing the report. I worked in a medical clinic and it happened more than it should that doctors would confuse patients when writing notes in charts. However, I would DEFINITELY work to have the lies from the record. It is HORRIBLE that you have to go through this but you are incredibly strong for sticking with it.
  18. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Rage is understandable, focusing it can be a motivator. That being said if you need more therapy sessions because of this the cost should be covered by those that caused it.....namely the hospitals. Look after yourself first please.
    MinnBiker and betteroffunknown like this.
  19. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Like Sofie said they might have had you and another patient switched.

    Being dressed differently was a key...too bad they didn't switch your record with a opposite gender to make it so obvious and easier to get those information removed
    betteroffunknown likes this.
  20. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    I do plan on getting it changed whether it's obvious or not. They're welcome to come to my place and look thru my closet to see for themselves that I have NOTHING 'eccentric' in there!! Hell, if they're gonna report on it, it may as well be the truth, and not the hog wash they've shoveled out. It may be no big deal in their eyes, but it's big in mine mainly cuz it's always been a big deal to me. And it also gives false representation of me which again I don't appreciate!! To label me as having dressed eccentric implies I wasn't my normal self that night which couldn't be further from the truth anxiety aside.

    The doc takes notes while sitting there talking to you, and while I suppose it's possible to have switched me with someone else it's still quite negligent. They should be going off their notes for each individual, and keeping anyone else's notes off the table until they're done with their current report. That simple. I'd be petrified of reporting on one person on someone else's record!!! I wouldn't want the backlash, and it's simply more respectful.
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.