I wasn't a self-harmer until post-rehab, after I moved in with my brother and his wife. When he'd get angry with me, his wife would be vindictive - she enjoyed it when he was angry with me, so I had no one to talk to in this house. I'd picked up a razor from work months ago - I wasn't sure why I did, I just wanted it, and I kept it in my purse for ages. After the third time of him yelling at me (over something stupid), of him accusing me of things that I wasn't guilty of, after his wife smirked at me over it, etc. It was late, I had no one to talk to, and I got the razor out. I haven't been able to stop since - I wear wrist-warmers or large bracelets, long-sleeved jackets that fall past my hands if the bracelets are too painful to wear (especially at work, where wrist-warmers aren't allowed but bracelets are). It makes me feel better about everything - about my accidental addiction to painkillers, about a friendship falling to tatters because a friend decided to start using meth (like half my family has), about my living situation - and I don't know how to stop when it's the only thing that makes me feel better.