My behaviour has become so reckless as of late. Ive managed to tone down the cutting side of things but i'm now drinking everyday, abusing substances, smoking way to much and popping pills here there and everywhere. I never take enough pills at a time to do any “serious” damage but i'm starting to wonder if all this behaviour is eventually going to have a very bad effect on my health. I guess part of me hopes it will, a slow, “controlled” suicide form. I don't really know how to explain this, other than my reckless behaviour is a desperate attempt to remove myself from day to day life, to shut out all the shit I feel and see on a day to day basis. It's almost like i'm walking around in my own little bubble where nothing can touch me, where I am invincible. I probably sound like i'm talking complete trash right now, but it all makes sense to me in a twisted way.