Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by BelovedDreamer, Jun 1, 2012.

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  1. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    How do I redraw the lines?
    How do I explain?
    I am not the same person.
    I will not remain so for your comfort,
    the price is too high.
    I am welted and scarred from years
    of trying to be
    everything every person needed
    all at once
    and I have grown so used to being what someone else needed
    that I can no longer find my own shape.
    I was good at it, yes.
    A reliable chimera,
    fitting my form to the mold,
    twisting my self to suit the situation.
    And I was good at it, yes,
    but time has hit me like a blow to the chest
    and forced me to reckon the cost
    of bending, and stretching, and distorting
    over and over
    and I have finally peered in and seen the slow loss of discrete structure
    and the resentment and grief
    that has built up and fractured in the places where,
    instead of standing, I knelt and took
    every bit of pain and wanting and choice not my own
    and tried to make it mine
    and fretfully told myself I was content.
    I am not content.
    To yield at times is not so great a thing,
    but to yield and yield…
    I will not change so much.
    I cannot, though at times I wish I could.
    I will still yield.
    But I am learning to acquiesce, to bend
    and to give, in both its meanings,
    only when I truly wish it.
    I am as human as they come
    and an entire life as a chimera
    would be a short one.
    If you love me as you claim to do,
    bend for me this once.
    If you must, take your time
    and re-learn to love me properly,
    not as merely an artful reflection of yourself.
    Love me as a full person who may not always be in sync
    for I have my own rhythm and mind,
    my own moments of great anger and despair,
    my own weaknesses which I shall no longer abjectly apologize for.
    I am allowed to be weak and am allowed to be strong
    and my needs need not be subjugated for fear of inconvenience.
    And if the word no in my mouth
    is something you cannot abide
    then leave, though I will mourn the passing.
    I am better off without those
    who only love me for the ease of my yielding.
  2. Kharma

    Kharma Well-Known Member

    Wish that I'd had this poem to share with my ex before she crapped in the hole she left when she ripped my heart out.

    I'd take her back this second, (pathetic, idiot loser that I am) and try to bend, and try to bend, and try to bend some more...

    ...right up to the point I broke for good.
  3. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    I feel you. And it's easier written then done, the unbending, the walking away. It's something I'm trying to learn. I have one or two people who if they were to come back to me, it'd be almost impossible for me not to flip over like a loyal puppy and show my stomach. Even knowing that they'd mistreated me terribly before and would almost certainly do it again.
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