I'm a recovering addict. I did heroin for 5 years and lost more than anyone can chew. I've been clean for 2 months and I stay somewhat positive. BUT I have these spells of suicidal thoughts so visually brainwashing I sit and clench my fists in anger and repeat in my head ways to kill myself or someone else I derive in my head that I believe wants to see me die. I dont have insurance. I was never tested for schizophrenia. I have alot of thoughts related to schizophrenia. This really effects my motivation. I can't trust anyone. I bite my nails feverishly.