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Practical Advice Recovering from break up and working on behavioral issues [gay]

#1
While I have been slowly trying to cope with depression, anxiety and life issues (finances,university) for passed half a year. I started doing actual progress when I get to know closer to one of causal friends on discord, we became close friends, I ask him if he would date me and he said yes. He have given me the best month of my life - I have never felt better, even with all the shit going on in my life. I could talk to him honestly about anything, and he would always provide me with kind advice, motivation to work on my self, and above all simply with care and love. And on friday I have crossed some lines, we had an argument he broke up with me, we talked brieftly on saturday and he didn't replied to me since. After that I have been feeling terrible - I have been crying the past 4 days. I feel awful, because I still love him and I fucked up - I have betrayed his trust and I have hurt him a lot. On saturday he said, that he will need time for our relations to recover, and that if I work on myself, and we will get back to getting allong he will consider getting me another chance. I do however feel I should give him a brake for a bit to not make things worse. I want to do what I promise and continue working on my self, but there is one thing I didn't realised I had a problem with short temper and overreacting to things easly to the point I can't even think clearly and I just allow irrational fellings to control me. I don't feel like doing a full therapy atm, with all other things going on in my life, but I need to work on not losing my temper and controling myself in stressful situation. And I do go trough a circle of self pity as well. In addition to that I need to work on being more considering of needs that other may have. Its going to take me long to stop feeling shity for hurting the only person I truly love and care about. I have very slim chances of getting him back, but even if he won't get back with me I promised to do it. So I need advice on strategical ways of developing self control on my own - trough exercises and stuff. I thought about trying to do a form of CBT, but I welcome all sugestions.
 

Walker

Tolerates No Monkey-Business
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#2
Hi to you -
While I don't have any specific advice for the moment I did want to say that I'm glad you are taking positive steps to try to work on yourself aside of the relationship status. You being a better person works in the end either way, right?
CBT is a great idea for learning to identify and control your impulses. You can do some courses online if that's what you need to do right now. A bit of time and patience and I imagine you can get plenty out of that to begin on the road to improvement.
I'm sorry about the break with the guy. Some people view things online as earlier to ghost because you're not face to face. You're not as often looking at this person to know how they're feeling or he doesn't know just how upset you are as if you were, say, living together. I hope that you work things out, if that's what you'd like to do. Best of luck to you. I'm sure some others will come along and reply to this as well.
 
#3
Meditation really helps me get my shit together, I as well could easily lose my temper, and sometimes I even like it, but I do manage to control it now.
What I do (and that's just me, each person meditates in his own way) is I basically sit in the dark, and thing about EVERYTHING!
Things that happened in the past that made me angry and how I should have reacted rather than how I did, thus if the situation ever present itself again I'll be prepared.
Thing that are likely to happen in the near future, and how I should react (I go through all the likely scenarios in my head and practice how I should react in each and every one, that way it doesn't catch me off guard).
Random scenarios which aren't necessarily irritating, just ransom scenarios that might or might not happen.
The first two I guess are more important to anger management and to not over reacting than the later, but the later is also fun haha
Good luck with your guy
P.S don't be too hard on yourself, all relationships are dramatic in your age, especially gay one, I remember this guy I was into when I was 18, OMFG, we've basically been to four dates and I could already hear wedding bells haha, if I could go back to the time I was 18-20 and bitch slap myself, I won't hesitate xD
 

may71

Well-Known Member
#4
So I need advice on strategical ways of developing self control on my own
1. Meditation practice

2. Acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine

3. A hobby like gardening seems to calm some people

4. CBT sounds good

5. Maybe find some info about "anger management"

6. Avoid sugar

7. Avoid caffeine

8. Avoid stress, too much sensory input, and too much intake of information (tv, anything that is not well-worth it)
 

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