Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by My_eyes_lie, Oct 2, 2009.

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  1. My_eyes_lie

    My_eyes_lie Well-Known Member

    I'm in recovery from anorexia. I spent a long time inpatient this year. After I left aftr my first stay I completly relapsed and had to return. I've always relapsed and this time I am really trying. I'm struggling so much right now with ED thoughts. I want to lose weight so badly, but I know it will only land right back in the hospital and I really do want to put this behind me (it's been 16 years....).

    Can anyone help me and tell me how they got over this feeling? I am the heaviest I have ever been and it feels like torture. I am crawling out of skin. When will it get better?

    Thanks in advance
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you have had such a bad battle with this illness I am glad you are out of hospital now and hope you have alot of supportive people who care around you. Take one day at a time get some behavioral cognitive therapy it will help i would think. I wish you the best.
  3. My_eyes_lie

    My_eyes_lie Well-Known Member

    I see a therapist and dietitian once a week and i still weigh in every day at my doctors. CBT is good in concept but when i am alone i have a hard time fighting the ed thoughts. Lately i feel like giving up on recovery. I miss my low weight even though i was miserable and sick. It feels safer somehow.
  4. elleanne

    elleanne Well-Known Member

    Hi, I have chronic anorexia, too.
    I can`t give you any ways to get over that feeling. I`ve always thought that to fully recover, I need to deal with the root cause (whatever that may be). CBT`s great in theory...and works for people very much on a surface level. That`s not such a great concept when working with a deeply entrenched illness. I`ve known two people who have made full recovery from Anorexia. Both used very different methods...and had different motivation. One had an ninherant need to be a mother, which was not possible when at such a low weight. So, she basically started at the beginning. She introduced one `normal` meal a day, and removed one method of purgeing a day. Then, she slowly increased this until she was eating a `normal` diet, not purgeing at all and only doing a healthy amount of exercise. It seems to have worked for her, though I know that if she gets sick (flu etc) she finds it extremely difficult to maintain this (how many non ED people eat normally when ill with flu?). The other person has a permanant gastric tube (which was inserted in endoscopic surgery) and she uses that to eat, since much of her difficulty in the mechanics of eating. She classes herself as `recovered` and is certainly a lot healthier than she was but I disagree with her opinion.
    I`m not sure anyone ever 100% recovers from Anorexia. It leaves physical and emotional scars.
    Me...well, I am about to have a gastric tube put in (next week) which is because my Psychiatrist said that the chance of me recovering is less than 5%, so the aim is to keep me out of hospital (and save them time and money).
  5. My_eyes_lie

    My_eyes_lie Well-Known Member

    I can't believe your psychiatrist told you that you have less that a 5% chance of recovering. I hope that doesn't ruin your motivation to get better. I can't give up hope that there is a chance of recovery. I do believe it will always be something we struggle with. I just hope that our days can get better and not be so focused. Good luck with your tube. I hope you don't need it long. Best of luck to you.
  6. elleanne

    elleanne Well-Known Member

    This thread is not about me, sorry. I had no intention of hijaking it. My Psych is right. I really don`t care about recovery, anyway.
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Find a therapist who knows what they are doing.

    What therapy did you get at your inpatient unit? Did you get anything that helped you?
    I don't know your history and if there is trauma involved.

    But what helped me was to stay well away from the MH system and their ways of treating (anyone), and focus on myself with a therapist who worked with the whole of me.

    What made me better? I call it 'baby loving.' You know how children need to eat? I saw myself as a sick child and needed a lot of rest, going slow, and regular nourishing meals. I suffer a lot from dissociation-wandering and how I emotionally got better, was I distanced myself from a lot of unhealthy people in my life. I found the conflict I had between food and myself completely dissipated then.
  8. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    I'm just starting my recovery from my ED.

    It's prolly a good idea to get a dietician and some sort of therapy. (whether it be group, individual, whatever works for you.) And keep talking. Express yourself is positive ways. Don't give up.

    If you need a listening ear, I'm around if you want to talk. I'm just a PM away. :hug: :hug:
  9. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    :biggrin: that's wonderful to hear.
  10. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    I'm kind of in a similar situation now and i dont have as much advice as i do understanding. I was in ip for a while and as soon as i was out, like you, i relapsed. I'm in a partial hospitalization program now trying my best to stay strong and beat this. It seems impossible, and all i want to do is get on with my life. It always seems to me like recovery is impossible, but there are some people who prove it is possible, and i just try to focus on that knowledge. I wish i had better advice for you, but im not in much better shape than you. Try to stay strong, staying in recovery is your best chance of pushing it out of your life.
  11. LivingOn

    LivingOn Well-Known Member

    It's a lifelong practice to eat and drink anyway. Sometimes I want to avoid it completely and other times I want to eat and drink for comfort. Somewhere between there lies a healthy way of eating, drinking, exercising and resting. I'm looking for it.
  12. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    It's when you deal with those issues, everything can settle into place.

    To elleane, why do they offer CBT for eating disorders? It's a bit of an insult don't you think? Especially like you say when you have such a deeply entrenched problem. I remember being assessed for CAT and I was talking to a brick wall. She just wasn't listening to me. I thought no way, getting treatment here would risk a hospital admission for anorexia (I was getting better on my own).

    I actually asked her, how many people who go through treatment here, get admitted to inpatient in the meantime? She said she couldn't tell me. I thought, there's no way I could risk that when I was so physically fragile to risk my health even more to leave the work I was doing with my therapist and go through CAT there. It took me a couple of years but I eventually got there. I'm better after 13 years of BS that I didn't know was killing me for so long.
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