Haven't logged on for a long time.. but everytime I have logged on here in the past when I've felt suicidal or low people on here have been very accepting and made me feel slightly better so I thought I'd log on today and talk about how I'm feeling since no one on the 'out side world' really cares.
Last year my mood swings were totally out of control.. I was so low that sometimes I didn't shower or get out of bed.. sometimes I'd stuff myself sometimes I'd just not bother to eat.. I tried to overdose about 3/4 times that year each one failing (obviously!) :blink: ... I would suddenly go from that to super confident.. spending money that I didn't have taking recreational drugs every weekend getting absloutly hammered staying up for 2/3 days in a row... after about 8/9 months of switching between those two moods.. I sort of became 'normal' again for about 2 or 3 days where I reflected on my behaviour and realised what I was doing wasn't normal... I decided to give my GP a ring and booked an appointment...
I suddenly slipped back into taking drugs staying up late then going back to not even getting out of bed not showering and slowly pushed anyone close away from me.. it took me 5 attempts of ringing and then cancelling the doctors appointment before I finally actually turned up..
I described what was going on she mentioned the term 'rapid cycling' (I didn't know what that was before I looked it up) she didn't really say much else and then booked me to see a psychiatrist (There was a huge waiting list but I managed to see through to the appointment) ...
I met the psychiatrist who informed me I was too young for him that he was only 18+ or something (I was 17) and that the doctor had made a mix up and he basically couldn't help me... I was so upset but I didn't show it.. all he asked me before i left was if I was going to hurt myself?
I stood there and thought to myself why would I tell you if i was going to? I replied no and then left...
Ever since then my mood have been low and pretty crap with small gaps of extreme irritability high energy not sleeping and then switching back to low and crappy.. I finally booked another appointment to see my GP yesterday (A year after I had initially seen her) it took me this long to get over the fact I felt let down by the system... and because my high moods seem to becoming more irritable and I fly into rages over stupid little things, My mothers chucked me out a few times so I figured it would be a good time to seek help again since I'm now nearly 19...
So anyway I saw the doctor she didn't really ask much she just booked me into see the psyciatrist on the 15th of october (11 days before my birthday)! I'm not sure what I should expect.. I'm nervous about the whole process I feel like after I've seen him that I may have some sort of label attached to me for the rest of my life. Argh...
Sorry if this is very well written out I just wrote what I thought as quick as I could before I decided not to bother posting!
Hope all of your okay'ish! xxx:arms:
Last year my mood swings were totally out of control.. I was so low that sometimes I didn't shower or get out of bed.. sometimes I'd stuff myself sometimes I'd just not bother to eat.. I tried to overdose about 3/4 times that year each one failing (obviously!) :blink: ... I would suddenly go from that to super confident.. spending money that I didn't have taking recreational drugs every weekend getting absloutly hammered staying up for 2/3 days in a row... after about 8/9 months of switching between those two moods.. I sort of became 'normal' again for about 2 or 3 days where I reflected on my behaviour and realised what I was doing wasn't normal... I decided to give my GP a ring and booked an appointment...
I suddenly slipped back into taking drugs staying up late then going back to not even getting out of bed not showering and slowly pushed anyone close away from me.. it took me 5 attempts of ringing and then cancelling the doctors appointment before I finally actually turned up..
I described what was going on she mentioned the term 'rapid cycling' (I didn't know what that was before I looked it up) she didn't really say much else and then booked me to see a psychiatrist (There was a huge waiting list but I managed to see through to the appointment) ...
I met the psychiatrist who informed me I was too young for him that he was only 18+ or something (I was 17) and that the doctor had made a mix up and he basically couldn't help me... I was so upset but I didn't show it.. all he asked me before i left was if I was going to hurt myself?
I stood there and thought to myself why would I tell you if i was going to? I replied no and then left...
Ever since then my mood have been low and pretty crap with small gaps of extreme irritability high energy not sleeping and then switching back to low and crappy.. I finally booked another appointment to see my GP yesterday (A year after I had initially seen her) it took me this long to get over the fact I felt let down by the system... and because my high moods seem to becoming more irritable and I fly into rages over stupid little things, My mothers chucked me out a few times so I figured it would be a good time to seek help again since I'm now nearly 19...
So anyway I saw the doctor she didn't really ask much she just booked me into see the psyciatrist on the 15th of october (11 days before my birthday)! I'm not sure what I should expect.. I'm nervous about the whole process I feel like after I've seen him that I may have some sort of label attached to me for the rest of my life. Argh...
Sorry if this is very well written out I just wrote what I thought as quick as I could before I decided not to bother posting!
Hope all of your okay'ish! xxx:arms:
