So with giftmas ending, it is time to start reflecting upon all the crap that I could have done with my life. Well really it is time to reflect on the last year of my life. All my failure, my few successes... my many MANY pending things. All the other stuff as well.. you know like what I have given up on, or at least thing I have given up on. Stuff I hate, like my roommate and plans for the future. I do not really know where to begin. So I was thinking to myself how amusing it might be to bring home a female for giftmas next year. That would be funny, out of no where bring home a female. I do not know, it would be interesting. I doubt it would be as funny as I think it would be.. but you never know. I really hate how that happens. I remember for a short time I thought I could be worth something to females. That time easily shattered and feel. It is always easier to defeat yourself. Well regardless, in the end I ended up giving up on that. Then I convinced myself that I would just be satisfied waiting around for my cat to die. Yeah, I still think I will kill myself when my cat dies. However, that is another time. In the mean time I am doing what I can to Cover my ass. The first was actually purchasing a book on how to seduce females. The one I am a forum member for. I have a pirated copy, but it is dated and... well to be honest is a shitty copy at best. I mean seriously... it is really bad. So I would rather not be stuck with it. So I have an official copy of the official book now. All that is left is to read it. Speaking of reading... it is funny to look over at my shelf and see all the books I bought over the years that I have not read. The law of Attraction for Dummies, The Spiritual Practices of the Ninja, Mind Programming, and all sorts of books like that. I know I have spent over $120 on Self-Help, Psychology, and Philosophy books. I have only actually finished reading one of them. Funny, I had such high hopes, but that gets in the way of other things. Like my website, I guess that is not much of a failure, but it is still a failure in some respects. I mean, I should have redesigned the thing, but I have not done anything like that. I should have done a lot of things.. but I have not.. I have minimal activity and I mostly write about nothing. Despite that I have seen a steady traffic rise over the year.. compared to last year anyway. So I can count that as a win. I need to stick on it. Like I stick on my fitness. Yes fitness is where I am winning so far. I joined a crossfit gym, I am keeping on routines and regiments and all that stuff. I mean I am doing REALLY good with that. That is something new for me. Well not too new. I will say I did that last year. Plus my gains have not been as good this year.... well my appearance gains. I mean, after all I am still fat and ugly. Well no matter I guess. I can fix that next year. My overall strength has gone up a ton. I mean last year I could not bench press 135 more than 2 or 3 times for one set. Now I can do it 5x5. My squat is over 200 my deadlift is over 300. So those are all gains. They make you feel good. Sometimes I feel motivated... I do not know. So lets start thinking about next year. As per usual my main goal for next year is getting rid of my gut. I do not have to be toned, I just do not want any extra hanging over the edge. That is where my problem is. I am not liking that. So if I could reduce the squishiness a lot I would be pretty happy. That is one major goal. Another major goal is to get my website going properly. That is going to take some time though. I have to start over on my work laptop... but I will live. I just need to work on my design skills. That is going to be a challenge. However, I will get it done some how. Lets move onto my flakey goals... I guess the first will be to read that book on dating. I will probably flake though as my self-loathing boils over to the top. Plus lets face facts... I would only use my powers to hurt females. I really would, no matter what anyone else says. You know, only sleeping with them and dumping them when they realize that all I want them for is sex. You know stuff like that. Not that I am too excited to get started down the road of failures. Uhhh god.... I should also read my other books as well. I guess I could have spent some time writing them down.. but that is what work time is for. I will try and find time to read that book. Next would be to actually try out the dating book stuff. That is something important for me. I need to get the dating book done first though. Then try out the stuff. I mean I have incentive to leave my house.. I am annoyed with my roommate. I need to get away from him. He annoys the crap out of me. Problem is that I need to find time to go to a bar many times a week... that could be a problem... well that is for the future. Well regardless, that is what I think is going to happen... well I am just fine with my thoughts as they stand now. I am still going to hope that my kitty dies so I can execute myself.. in the mean time I will keep these thoughts written down so I can at least have a reference.