Two months is an age or is it a blink of the eye? Yet again i have had had another look in that damn mirror............... As i approach my 44th year i have begun to at last put down the baggage i have carried since i was eight years old. Funny thing is, although perhaps others loaded my shoulders it has always been my own lack of positivity and self love that has stopped me putting it down and leaving it where it belongs..........in the past. Intention, thats the key. Forgiveness, that has paved the way for what is happening in my soul and my life. Forgiveness of others and more importantly, of myself, thats what counts. We all make mistakes, i am a leading expert in them...........even on here. There was a time when my lonliness, became all consuming and i sought solace looking for a relationship, caring and perhaps even love.............oh dear, Love is so bloomin random as well. Its been spending time in my own company thats made the difference. Only then can you see what you really are and even have a think about what you really want to be. Rarely do we get space to have a good look inside and see what is there. Memories still haunt me at times, from the abuse i endured as a boy to the mistakes i made and my behaviour that helped end my marriage. The former is a work in progress and this year will finally see me find closure and a man face me across a court room. I forgive him, not the acts, but him. Now i have let go, i hold no sadness, hate or guilt, i hold only my own heart. The latter, i have forgiven myself and the mother of my children. I wish only happiness and love. The relationship i have with my two kids becomes stronger and more loving than ever and i love them as much afar as when they are in my arms. Alongside my playwork i have now been taken on as youth worker and adoption mentor. Ha ha, that wise old sage Sad Eyes was right after all, giving really is a selfish thing. It is to ourselves we really give and the rewards are endless. I am a work in progress, everyday we all face tests, face old situations and old problems. guess its how we react to them from our mistakes and choices, thats what counts. Tell you what though, we all deserve to like ourselves and to love others, even me. My love for this site and its members is endless. Lastly, a mention to two members who didn't forget me. Black Orchid and Terry, thank you.