so, i overdosed on friday the 4th and was an inpatient at mh all weekend..which was hell...now im in an outpatient group therapy..which is also hell. im the person there so i dont know anybody where everyone else has known the other group members for months or longer. they are also much further along in their recovery and so the group is doing things that are way ahead of where im at which only makes me feel worse. the group setting is making my anxiety worse and is setting off my ocd really bad as well. i hate it so much and its an all day thing from 930am to 5 or 6pm depending on the day but i know if i dont go nothing will ever change. so now im stuck between whether its worth it to try to do therapy that i hate and have a really difficult time or to give up on the group thing and see if there are any other options that work better. i dont remember much about the whole weekend and im still a little out of it from the od. i remember the paramedic say i was crying and the only thought in my head was "i shouldve taken more". looking back now, im glad i survived but at the time and even the next day, all i could think was that i didnt take enough and i shouldve taken more and that i was even a failure at dying.
Those group therapy sessions, are you talking about partial hospitalization? I've done that, twice, and prematurely terminated myself from the treatment both times. I was getting nothing out of it, no one admitted to attempting suicide or even thinking about suicide, and I couldn't have cared less about the relatively minor problems people were bringing up. The atmosphere was horrifyingly awkward. Half the room was substance abusers, the other half were people who said as little as they could get away with. It was not beneficial for me. Anyway, I don't think anyone can force you to do it. They often suggest it after inpatient treatment, but it's not something you necessarily have to do. Well, I don't think so, at least... The other option is just to go through with it. You'll probably feel more comfortable as the group goes on. You might make friendly with a high-functioning patient or two. It works for some people, but it takes a little commitment. If you're having so much difficulty that your OCD is acting up, talk to a staff member, one of the counselors or something. The bottom line is, although I hated it and couldn't wait to leave after every day, it was obvious while I was there that some people were really getting into it. So if you're having problems with the group, talk to someone on the staff.
I am also glad you did not take more...everything takes time and group therapy is not competitive...do what you can and accept that you are doing your best...keep at it...our problems were not created in a minute so our solutions will take a while, as well...big hugs
the group is very close, open and understanding. were all going through or have been through the same thing(s). its just tough being the newest one there and trying to get comfortable enough to actually get to the point of opening up and talking about the causes of my issues. i know exactly what caused everything, im just embarrassed and ashamed to talk about it. im starting to like thr group thing more and more. it was my first day that was really hard.
