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Regretful and Confused

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Ralderable, Nov 11, 2013.

  1. Ralderable

    Ralderable Active Member

    Two months ago I met online the person with whom I now share deep romantic feelings for. The first month was pure bliss, I haven't ever been as happy as I was back then. However I made the fatal mistake of not being able to be completely honest about myself, due to my creeping insecurities. I told her things that were only close to the truth at moments, but not the full truth, because I was feeling inadequate and undeserving of her love, so I was afraid to be completely open to her about myself. A most beautiful month had past, and it was clear that we had both fallen deeply in love with eachother. But at one point, through a mutual friend, she discovers that I had been dishonest about certain things to her, and this she took very badly. She has a very sorrow history regarding dishonest relationships and this scares her more than anything. I messed up

    She's still here, she's still willing to try and see if she can get over this hurdle, however, she is being honest in saying that currently she cannot be as open as she had been before and that while she was before completely certain about our future together... She no longer is. Of which I am understanding.

    I know I have done her wrong, and she has every right to doubt me and the love we share... But I do not wish to lose her anymore than I believe she wishes to lose me. But things are very difficult currently.

    We still talk on a daily basis, although now it is almost more of a platonic love. We know that we have deep feelings for eachother, but she is no longer able to show me that, until she figures out what she needs to figure out.

    She wants to know if I am strong enough a person not to make the same misakes twice, that I will not end up hurting her in the future, so she has taken a step back...

    Its been almost a month again, a month where I have felt the deepest grief and anxiety due to things no longer being as they once were... And I honestly have no Idea how to deal with this situation. Its a long distance relationship, and while I can see her through skype, I cannot actually touch her or comfort her the way normal couples could. I have however done anything else I could do, own up for my mistakes, show her my deepest of love and make her believe that my love for her is genuine. I am giving her all the understanding and time she needs... But I am starting to lose myself.

    I do not know how to deal with this, but I do not wish to lose her either... It feels like a temporary breakup... But at the same time we are still there for eachother.

    Its so difficult to be facing constantly all that has changed, all that is no longer there.

    What can I do to ease my anxiety, help me in being a little bit more patient and in being a little bit happy again? More importantly... What can I do to make her open up to me again, how can I help her in that?

    Thanks for listening
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 11, 2013
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I am sorry this is happening. I can only tell you what I would like to hear if it were me. I would like to hear that the guy is getting help with the issue. Really working on it in counselling or something. That would let me know that he is working on the core reasons of why he was not honest. Sounds like she has some past pain also. It makes it so hard when both people have the past wounding. But I also do think that with working on their own stuff both can become stronger. And there is a potential for a relationship that is stronger. But as I said, I would be impressed if the guy took the steps to get counselling for the insecurities.

    By the way, I have a lot of insecurities. So I do understand how they cause me to feel like I am not good enough. So no judgements at all :hug: