Rejecting help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lost&Lonely, May 8, 2008.

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  1. Lost&Lonely

    Lost&Lonely Member

    I just wondered has anyone been forced to see a doctor to have a psycological questioning? I think I did one of the dumbest things ever 3 years ago when I got pushed in to this situation. Thanks to my brilliant acting skills I passed as perfectly normal and even passed the buck on to my own mother with the doctor explaining that I should keep away from my mother as she sounded like a bad influence trying to get me committed.

    The truth is I've been depressed since I was a very young child, despising myself for as long as I can remember. I need help but I also am so ashamed that I have such a HUGE problem with myself. My life is ok I guess but the person I am is awful. At the moment I am again contemplating suicide but I just cant stop thinking how upset and betrayed my family will feel when I do it.

    Lives can change, people cant. I'm stuck now walking back and forth to the medicine cabinet counting my pills out wondering when the right time is. I hate myself.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    just because you bluffed your way through 3 years ago, doesn't mean that you'd do the same today.

    you mention feeling ashamed, but you might be surprised at how supportive the medical community can be. there are some jerks, to be sure, but most people just want you to get emotionally and mentally well. if you want some tips on talking to your doc, just ask me. it was probably the hardest conversation i had to have, but i was honest with him about how often i thought of suicide. i just mumbled the words out and he took it from there.

    you say people can't change, but i know that's not true. not for me, and not for you.
  3. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    I would say that people can change more than lives do, or I should probably say that lives and people can change sometimes quickly, sometimes excrutiatingly slowly.

    It's really unfortunate that people think depression is something to be embarassed about. The truth is, we shouldn't be embarassed about depression any more than we would be embarassed about having the flu. That would be silly, yet there's an undeserved stigma about depression. You have the choice to change your life by talking honestly with your doctor. I hope you're able to do that.
  4. Melmoth the Wanderer

    Melmoth the Wanderer Well-Known Member

    I've lied to a couple of shrinks before, when they asked me if I'd ever considered suicide. I must be a better actor than I thought; they never suspected the truth. You should have seen the look on one guy's face when I finally told him a year later! Of course, then he freaked out and told my mother to hide all the knives and shit in the house--evidently he didn't understand the difference between my kind of suicidal and the I-need-to-die-right-now! kind of suicidal. Needless to say, I soon stopped seeing that guy.

    Give yourself another chance. You may not think you deserve one, but being human automatically entitles you. I've been depressed since I was very young, too. I can't remember a time when I wasn't burdened by feelings of sadness and inadequacy. But in the end, I decided to give myself a shot at life. I know that suicide will always be an option for me, which is actually a nice safety net, but I’ve chosen to explore the other options first.

    And don't be ashamed of yourself. Everyone has problems with themselves and their lives--look at the popularity of self-help books! But people like us can't read a few inspiring passages and feel better. Cold reality can't be made better with a fuzzy blanket.

    Before you take those pills, talk to someone. Don't go back to that doctor if you can help it, but talk to your mother again or find a therapist on your own. It may not work out great at first, but every little bit helps. Also, don't feel pressured into taking medication. If you're not comfortable doing so, tell them you want to see if therapy alone is enough for you.

    Let us know how it's going. :hug:
  5. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Hi.. I just wanted to say that you shouldnt lie to your doctors when it comes to treating mental problems.. I know, I know..I lie to them sometimes too and Im going to have to stop now that Im set up to see a new doctor next week. If you lie about your condition, even leave parts out, then they cant help you. They must know exactly whats going on to be able to help you and give you the best care/treatment that they can.. I know it sucks sometimes..The medications can be awful and it can feel horrible sitting there telling your doctor/therapist the truth about whats going in your head and your life..But lets face reality..If they know, they can help..Take the old saying "I cant fix it if I dont know whats broke'..Im telling myself that right now and will keep telling myself that until the moment the first visit with her is over..I will try my best to be honest at every visit after that too..Im in a crap situation..Maybe the truth will hurt me a lot and get me in trouble but they could find a medication that helps me and I could possibly straighten life out..
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