Rejecting people for mental health reasons?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by feathers, May 14, 2011.

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  1. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    I currently don't 'date' because of my mental health problems. Relationships usually involve me going absolutely psycho, clingy, demanding, possessive, jealous etc etc etc. I am due to start therapy soon and I kind of wanna get that whole thing out of the way and hopefully become a more stable person before I start trying to have relationships again.

    However, the problem is (and it's pretty silly that I'm calling this a problem!) I get asked out a lot! I want to be honest with people and explain that I don't do relationships but they always keep insisting and asking time and time again. Eventually I end up telling them a bit more than I'd like about my problems in order to try and actually stop them from asking me out.

    Is there any way I can make people see that I am serious about not wanting to be in a relationship without making them feel like I'm just making up excuses or without telling them more than I want to?

    Kaz x
  2. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    k so u r lucky , why dont u just let them deal with u? or go to therapy while dating?
    by how u describe it sounds like u r fun to be around let them judge
  3. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Because relationships make me worse. I don't like the way I behave in them. I'm very controlling. Relationship just tend to be all out bad for me and I never end up on speaking terms with people afterwards because they always hate me and think I'm a psychopath.

    I don't want people to "deal with me" because I don't want to put people under the stress that I cause them. Relationships put a massive strain on me mentally too so I just don't think it's worth it until I'm in a better place.
  4. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    It is tricky but you really need to try and be honest with them and tell them you are not ready for a relationship at the moment hopefully they will get the message if not then you may have to pretend you don't like them but as i say firstly just tell them you are not in a good place right now.
    I hope all goes well at councilling. xx *hugs*
  5. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I really hate making people feel like I am making excuses :/. I am really bad at saying no. xx
  6. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    So am i hun but sometimes you have to for your own safety.
  7. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    You can just say you are getting out of a serious relationship and want to enjoy singleton for a bit :)
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    practice saying no assertively and it will get easier. if you are truly assertive with your no's you won't have to keep repeating yourself, they will get it the first time. good luck in counselling.
  9. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    I think you might want to try to be sincere but concise. You can say that you aren't dating, and you're sure of it, but you don't want to get into the reasons. If they keep asking you about it, all you have to do is, as kindly as possible, say that the answer is no, and you're sure of it.
  10. Evanescence

    Evanescence Member

    I have a similar problem, but even I found someone so there's hope for anyone. I have love/hate relationships with people, and have a severe fear of abandonment,which leads me to be controlling and jealous in relationships. Most people wont tolerate me, online or offline. Eventually I'll probably get thrown out of here. It happens.
  11. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Evanescence, you're talking exactly what I get. Apart from people do tend to tolerate it which is bad because it means it can go on for months/years :|. I hate the feeling it gives me so I'm just trying to avoid it.
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