rejection and such

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by scaryforest, May 17, 2014.

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  1. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    so everyone is out for the weekend. if a person wasn't coming to stay overnight today (sounds contradicting, contridicting, always get confuzzled on spelling, everyone is out, yet someone will be in lmao life, i mean i am alone till they come over today and alone when they leave after and it is so silent and wow) i would probably be having panic attacks and thinking about grim activities of sorts
    i mean i am still thinking of said grim activities but there is no panic

    exterior is calm in general.
    every time someone says something rejectful... well, nothing. it passes short term. but long term all remarks add up.

    cannot ever seem to be neutral with people. either love or hate. these are strong words and not even what i rightly mean but something along those lines.
    i wanna have a neutral friend or something but it has not ever happened and how can a friend!! be neutral anyway

    i come on here and i got that forum buddy thing so i must have been/must be doing something right tho three people have said; ney. anyway, but original purpose of joining here wasn't primarily to help. it was secondary and hoped it would be mutual... i do not wanna be making hysterical posts like these daily, i mean... this is hysterical for me

    people exchange numbers and have buddies and know when someone is off the forums and why and i do not have that. idk where to search for that on here or in, wow... i chat on

    when my posts are replied to, good words give me a positive energy boost, i wish it'd last and i didn't feel so clingy. i never seek these words from close people, not seriously. only strangers. i guess because they are neutral, idk what am even feeling.
    just rejected and used in life in general
    and slightly lost
    and wow this post. i suppose it is a crisis because i just babble and yeah
    Last edited by a moderator: May 17, 2014
  2. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    beyyehdid crying so miserably. want someone physically in generalbut they just do the awkward silences and: pls stop crying
    and want it to not be so silent and jrkeoenf atm
  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hope you have a nice weekend and take care.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Here if you ever feel like talking or need a friend. :hug: You do a lot here to help others, and you deserve that same help and support.
  5. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    thank you both for replying. yesterday morning was so dreadful, i was low and then i was manic. then got drunk and so much nausea because weather was awfully hot... anyway, thanks again for replying here, means lots
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I do hope today you are less sad hun and that you can get outside some take a walk go for a coffee and j ust talk to people even if it is to just say hi It does help hugs
  7. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    woke with hangover, went shop and watched game of thrones with nvm it wasn't overly productive and it was so hot and sunny here today. i got amused in coffee thread cause you're talking about frost there. weather's amusing

    so i am not alone right now physically but will be again tomorrow, if it is anything like saturday morning- dkdkdkddjg
    contemplated going and sitting in village cafe here but then no clue why i even thought that
    thanks for taking time to post here
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    The weather really is amusing. 2 days ago, I had the air conditioner on; today, it was the furnace.

    Hangovers are awful. Been there, done that! Hope you're feeling better. Here if you ever feel like talking. :hug:
  9. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Your welcome scary forest. We are here to help and support each other. Take care.
  10. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    wow. wrote a long post and it deleted.
    i said: i would talk but idk how or where or what even helps, just that every now and then something does help, though it is small. and if it wasn't helping, i would be in a not get out of bed routine. and i would not be thinking of things to do actively.
    in some other thread i mentioned depression anons but i never ended up going because someone needed me so they could vent. then later i felt a little better and then later still way too low for it. it is on this wednesday again, the group i think, am determined to go this time
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I absolutely HATE when I write out a long post, and somehow it disappears. It's happened to me a few times, and now I tend to copy everything to my clipboard before I hit Submit.

    I hope you go to the meeting this Wednesday! You're always there to help other people, and I hope you do this just for you, because you deserve to find help and feel better.
  12. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    i did go. came in a bit late and was about ten or so people there. one person was half napping as the others spoke
    basically it was a rant or vent group. didn't say a word.

    i thought: this is much like sf. except face to face. and i didn't say anything 'cause then everyone had to look at you and feel dead self conscious.
    i had advice for people. like on here

    then one guy said smth like he wants to hurt himself in evenings and has noone. leader person was all: omg pls don't talk bout self harm.
    i was like: omg. not even the point.
    felt like giving this self harming guy tips or my number and saying: call me when it gets tough in evenings.
    but then didn't 'cause already dealing with a lot. was a bit selfish of me.

    some woman said her benefits been cut but then this person said: omg but look forward to your new job soon.
    yea, but again not the point. woman is struggling now

    it beat sitting in a house all day espec if one has cabin fever but i don't think i'd go again so i'm back at square zero. lol not zero, square one. or whatever the saying. and a bit desperate
    Last edited by a moderator: May 22, 2014
  13. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    No, that wasn't selfish of you at all. You're one person and can only take on so much. I see your point though, the leader wasn't exactly helpful in those 2 situations. She could have offered advice or input without actually talking about self-harm in detail and could have at least acknowledged what the woman was saying about her benefits.
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello, I would just like to say I am here shall you need to talk :)
  15. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    hi scartForest

    came to this thread to try to understand you better.
    your words in my food disorder thread were so judgemental, and made me feel you were talking down to me.
    your words in my crisis thread were positively an attack toward me for not accepting anything you said.

    have read your words here and i feel your pain
    i also feel lost and alone
    even though I help people on other sites, when i come here i feel shunned
    even though this is supposed to be a site to help poeple who are lost
    i feel rejected here

    seems all of the things in life which drove me here
    are making my being here just as bad as life has been
    as everything I am and believe is foreign to this world
    and the people in this world

    I came here to speak to you now
    No longer am I upset by your words
    Because I feel your pain now
    I understand your pain
    I am in your pain too
    I am so alone

    Don’t know how to reach out to any one any more
    All I do is cry when I am alone
    And I have almost give up on eating too
    Even the doctors are beginning to notice that
    Getting told I do not need to lose any more weight
    And that I am too thin
    And that I need to stop dieting
    But they don’t understand

    I am fighting to even breathe
    I am in so much pain
    I am so alone
    No one hears me
    No one cares
    Why eat
    Why breathe

    But I am here for you , not for me
    I want you to hear me
    I hear you , and I will not judge you
    As the world judges me
    As the world judges you
    I may even try some food today
    Perhaps you will hear me chew

    But I am here for you
    So talk to me
    For I am crying still
    It is so quiet
    And I am so alone
    And I have not eaten in so many day
    And perhaps I will try a bite

    For I am here for you today
    But don’t wait too long
    For tomorrow I may not be here any more
    For I am losing weight so fast
    And the summer wind may blow me away
    With all the rest of the trash
    This world ignores

    For I am here , but I am alone
    And no one cares
    Not even here
    For I don’t fit their mould
    And they don’t care unless I do
    So fare thee well
    For in my pain I am not much longer here
    For I am here for you
    But no longer here for me

    Talk to me now
    Or I am gone.

  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    How are you doing now? I know its not the same as 'real life' but we do care here and you certainly won't be rejected. As for knowing when someone if 'off' and why, I would guess that just means you need to try and interact more, make friends here...because to tell you the honest truth, the best friends I have ever had are on this forum, they accept and care about me the way I am. Much caring.
  17. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    so i got wasted last night and took a bunch of pills and somehow idk.

    feeling dizzy and disoriented
    and thanks music, means so much you replied and continuously. i remember one day you were struggling and i reached out to you, likewise i'm here for you when you need.

    sadcat, i am quite speechless and overcome with emotion and thank you for bringing this to me and our chat and your heartfelt pms and e- mail today. i want to continue that support but sober i am not as good, i don't know where to start. but i appreciate you so

    cherry, you are a Godsend and i think about you every day and i wish i could talk more and give something in return to you, idk if i'm giving anything to you
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