Rejection is too hard

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by DNathan, Nov 20, 2012.

  1. DNathan

    DNathan New Member

    Hello

    Since September 8th, I've had a crush on an new Israeli student name <edit moderator total eclipse name deleted>. She is in my Science class, History class, and advisory. Her father is the Israeli Ambassador to the United States. We are both sophomores in high school. I am 16 years old.

    When we first met it was lovely, it was after orientation and we split off into advisory. She had asked me how many kilometers was 3 miles, I told her about 5. Even though it was the simplest interaction, I was instantly hooked on to her because of her beautiful big blue eyes. Even though she tends to wear a good amount of make-up, mascara, and eyeliner. She has short red hair down just past her shoulders and has pale white skin. She is the most beautiful girl in the world.

    As the school year went on, we had a little dialogue between us. We would greet each other in the halls, I would make her laugh during class, and I asked her about Israel. We used to sit together for assembly, because it was advisory seating. She then realized that you didn't necessarily have to sit with your advisory so that changed in mid-October. That made me upset, because she is sitting with her girl-friends (friends that are girls), and I don't want to be the only guy with her, that would be a little weird, but if necessary I will integrate that into my routine, if I want to be close with her again.

    In mid to late October, a friend told me to ask **** out in the next 2 weeks, because I didn't want to get friend-zoned. Considering he had a girlfriend, I decided I would do it very soon, I couldn't take it anymore.

    Halloween was a big day for my relationship with **** I came into science class late and I found myself sitting next to her. She loved my policeman costume, she complimented me and grabbed my hand as a greeting. I loved her Cleopetra costume, she looked lovely, she looked like a goddess. After I made her laugh during class, she briefly rested her shoulder on me, which was amazing. After school, I had asked "Are you free this weekend?" She said, "Yes, I think I am." I then said, "Do you want to get together or something?" *****replied, "I'll see, just text me when you have an idea." I thought for sure this meant yes. So until Friday I was pondering date ideas.

    Friday November 2nd came, and I had officially asked her out to a set date. Due to scheduling conflicts, she couldn't see me that night, and I couldn't see her that Saturday so it didn't work out.

    On Wednesday November 7th, I decided to follow through with her. What the hell did I have to lose? She said no because of availability. So right before I got to talk with her about asking her out to a movie, she said, "Daniel, I want to talk with you actually, I don't think I'm ready for this now, look, you're a really nice guy, do you understand? Let's hug it out." We hugged. I walked home in shame, I wanted to kill myself that night but if I did that I would never get to see her again.

    On Sunday November 18th, she came over to my house because my parents wanted to meet her dad, who is the <edit mod total eclipse deleted for Privacy reasons> We talked a lot actually, me and ***** She really opened up to me, it was nice, and I opened up to her. We hugged as a greeting. When she left she waved goodbye, I was very mixed about the situation.

    She is still very nice to me after she had rejected me.

    Although since then I've wanted to kill myself every night. I need help.

    How do I make her like me? How do I get closer with Avigail, and eventually make her my girlfriend?

    I'm running out of time

    Thank you for reading. Bless your heart.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2012
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Honey, thank you for sharing your story with us, and for asking for help in this, because it is a big situation for you at this time, and so much is resting on the outcome for you. Being a teenager means we're not adept at dealing with all the emotions and feelings involved, and - because of all the movies we've seen which give an idea of "how it's meant to be", it is easy to get our expectations up to a level, where, if "things do not work out" the way we had hoped, ... like you say, the possibility, or probablity of rejection seems too hard to bear.

    So, the wise thing to do is to realise that your heart, above all, is really a precious thing, and part of growing up is that you have the opportunity now to learn ways to protect your heart. There is no foolproof way to avoid getting hurt in life. Avigail sounds like a really wonderful person who you have already fallen in love with, but of course, you cannot be sure she is feeling the same way - and the more you try to find out from her, the more this could have the effect of her cooling towards you.

    The thing that would most attract her to you, however, is that if she can sense your care for her totally respects her feelings - or what her feelings might be - above your own.

    And this is the hardest route, but one which, over time, is likely to produce the best results.

    So, observing her from a distance - or the distance that she has put between you at the moment - do whatever you are able to express your best concern for her feelings and well-being, and for yourself - tell your heart that although it is an unpleasant fact about life, disappointment is part of it, and it maybe that you have to wait it out, until she is more sure of where she wants to go/what she wants to do. If she comes back to you, it will be because she has decided that you're too good a prospect to risk denying, because she can tell how caring/mature a guy you are.

    All the very best :) I hope what I've written makes sense.
     
  3. DNathan

    DNathan New Member

    "and the more you try to find out from her, the more this could have the effect of her cooling towards you" I'm not quite sure what it means. Can you explain that?
     
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    OK - well, putting myself in her place and remembering back to when I was the same age - if I felt that someone was INCREDIBLY keen on me - I would be a little uncertain about whether I would be able to reciprocate the intensity of it all. Like you write, she did tell you along the lines of "I'm not ready for this yet"........

    And so, the wise thing to do would be to totally accept this about her feelings, and respect them as completely valid. They are about her, not about you. I know it's the hardest thing in the world, hun - BUT it is the only course of action that will give you the best chances.

    If I had said those words to a guy, and he continued to chase me - I would know that he isn't one for taking a 'No' seriously. And every boy has to learn how to do that, if he wants to emotionally grow up to be a man. I know it's really, really hard, but such is life, and the thing that you really do have going for you is the wisdom to reach out and ask for advice about it - because that is the way to minimise any "damage" to all concerned.

    She is wanting to keep her options open at this stage, and if you try to close them or narrow them down, she might try to obliterate yours - so by giving her the required space, you are doing the most loving thing towards her :)
     
  5. 1112222

    1112222 Well-Known Member

    If she isn't interested in a relationship then there really isn't much you can do right now and trying continuously to get into a relationship with her when she isn't interested is going to backfire.

    Not to mention if you have been thinking of killing yourself because you got rejected then honestly right now you're not in the right state of mind for a relationship at the moment.