Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by redrabbit008, Nov 2, 2012.

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  1. redrabbit008

    redrabbit008 New Member

    I'm trying so hard to get into medical school. The only reason I have woken up and hauled myself off to class every day for the past five years was because I believe that my destiny was to save people. I wanted to open a field hospital for refugees in Darfur. This was my life goal. I graduated this past August with a degree in biology and applied to medical school only to get rejection letter after rejection letter from even my last choice schools. After all the work I had done...all the papers that were published, all the research....I even developed an addiction to adderall in order to force myself to stay awake for days on end to study and do work. It is never enough. I must have submitted over a hundred of job applications. I've got a college degree, fantastic recommendations, and I can't even get a damn call back from Starbucks for a part-time, minimum wage job. My capacity for dealing with pain is over reaching my capacity to deal with it. For the past five years, I had something to work for. I had a dream. I just *knew* I was moving in the right direction toward helping people. All of that seems like it had, overnight, become ashes. I'm trying to talk to a therapist. I'm going to try to schedule an appointment. I am trying not to commit suicide. I can't help anyone if I'm deceased. one wants me. I feel almost abandoned by the world. I was just trying to help people and that is all I've ever wanted, but it just isn't enough. No one believes in me....I could be an incredible doctor. I'm afraid I'll commit suicide.
  2. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hello. I wanted to tell you that what you desire is fantastic! The helping people part. I too want to help people and try to do so with sharing what has helped me. I mean who would hold something so awesome secret? Woudn't they wanna share it? I wouldn't give up the desire to help people. I would look at this situation as an opportunity to find a different way to help people. You have definately shown that you are capable when you put your mind to it.

    Right now it sounds as though you are the one in the need of help. Perhaps this experience will help you help others when you come out of it victorious. You are so dedicated and this is a great trait to have. Perhaps refocusing your dedication after your time to recoup will lead you to something even better and more satisfying than what you originally were shooting for?

    I will keep you in my prayers friend. Please do not kill yourself. Know that any situation can become a blessing.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    In the mean time hun do some work in the hospital volunteer work ok this will also look great on your application for school It is hard but with persistance and the will to show them you are serious you will get in. But get in the volunteer time ok
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there and welcome to the forum, I am glad you found us :) What you are going through must be extremely difficult after all the hard work you have done. I do like though that you are getting an appointment with your therapist, I think it could be very beneficial to you, therapy worked wonders on me at the time I was getting it and also this site played a big part in my recovery. Keep reaching out, there are people who are willing to help. :hug:
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi RR..why not apply for a nurse practitioner program in the mean time and sort it out after you have worked? It does not say where you are from, but in the US, they can Rx and have many of the same duties...there are many ways to help people, and maybe a PhD program in a chosen field may also be a route to achieving your goal...welcome and please know that sometimes Plan B is much better than Plan A
  6. redrabbit008

    redrabbit008 New Member

    i got a call back from a glad im here in order to respond to them. thanks, everyone, for your support and ideas. hopefully, the dream will become a reality soon. still going to go talk to a therapist though.
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