I'm trying so hard to get into medical school. The only reason I have woken up and hauled myself off to class every day for the past five years was because I believe that my destiny was to save people. I wanted to open a field hospital for refugees in Darfur. This was my life goal. I graduated this past August with a degree in biology and applied to medical school only to get rejection letter after rejection letter from even my last choice schools. After all the work I had done...all the papers that were published, all the research....I even developed an addiction to adderall in order to force myself to stay awake for days on end to study and do work. It is never enough. I must have submitted over a hundred of job applications. I've got a college degree, fantastic recommendations, and I can't even get a damn call back from Starbucks for a part-time, minimum wage job. My capacity for dealing with pain is over reaching my capacity to deal with it. For the past five years, I had something to work for. I had a dream. I just *knew* I was moving in the right direction toward helping people. All of that seems like it had, overnight, become ashes. I'm trying to talk to a therapist. I'm going to try to schedule an appointment. I am trying not to commit suicide. I can't help anyone if I'm deceased. But....no one wants me. I feel almost abandoned by the world. I was just trying to help people and that is all I've ever wanted, but it just isn't enough. No one believes in me....I could be an incredible doctor. I'm afraid I'll commit suicide.