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Relapse of emotion

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BlondRedHead, Aug 4, 2009.

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  1. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    I have been doing so well but today just overwhelmed me. I thought my emotional disconnect would be a positive in my life but I realized I am no longer able to feel good but I still feel all the bad. It's been pretty good for a few weeks now, been kinda numb and dealing well with the assholes in my life but the last few days I noticed I started feeling nauscious and it has been sneaking up on me. Like at dinner with a guy the other night we started talking about my family and I excused myself to go dry heave in the bathroom. A few days ago my stomach started turning when my mom came home so I went and lied down and then last night her and my brother arrived and I ran to the bathroom to throw up. How many people can say their family literally makes them sick, lol.

    Ah I just don't want to be around jerks anymore. I was called by four people today. Everyone of them had a gripe or bitch fest not about me but in general and they don't bitch to me (which I do not mind) but AT me. My mother was complaining about something and she has complained about it every single day for about two months. She also repeats herself so eight times a convo I have to hear it and I am sick of it. Today I snapped and she was like "this isn't about you!" Well then stop yelling at me. I am a loud talker so you have to really be yelling to make me say that. Then my brother shows up, some movie he rented is missing and he leaves his play station and all his games out and then leaves for a few days so my mom asked me to clean her house. I put his stuff away and he comes in screaming at me, I can pay for the rental that's missing, some stupid chick on this site called me some names the other day and I am just like, ENOUGH!

    Enough enough enough. I was just hit by a huge wave and urge to go vomit and I also just realized my ulcers are back after three years. Great, I do not have any insurance and last time the hole was so big it wouldn't close and I was poisoning myself because my stomach acid was leaking into my blood. I had bacteria in my blood!!! My cousin died form that a couple years ago, he went to the hospital, they were liek wow ur poisoning yourself and then he died a day in a half later. I'm trippin now.

    Aside from all this my "Life is Soap Opera" continues. I caught my brothers fiance giving his best friend Ryan a BJ, I made them tell. Brother forgave em but they are all messed up now, brother is mad at me for not writing Ryan off even though they still hang, Ryan is mad at me for making him tell my brother I caught them, family is mad at me because I didn't tell them and my brother slipped it during a fight at a family event last week, my best friend is mad because her husband has been calling me for advice about her and she thinks it's more, other friend is mad because her husband and I don't get along, other friend mad I do not have the money to go to her bday/concert (like 100 bucks and I am not working) so I am going to a birthday bbq for our mutual friend instead, Scott stopped talking to me because we were too close and since the whole Ryan hooking up with my brothers fiance thing he has been counseling my brother and Ryan and doesn't want them to know anything is up between me and him, so I'm out.

    My life blows, I need a slushy.
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hey there..
    just thought id say that i read ur post ..
    sounds like u have loads 2 deal with ! .. sorry i cant really help .. but im here if u fancy a chat sometime .. :hug: x
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I have a family just like yours sure were not related. Im the one everyone comes to to fix everything or do everything know the feeling of family making you sick burn't out just want to yell give me ffffff10 minutes to think
    Know what i do i just leave phone off hook lock my door tell them all im at work and just go to sleep Its the only way to get moments rest.
    I hope you can get some rest and some YOU time only take care of you first the rest of the gang will have to wait.
  4. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    Well thank you anyway :) Sometimes it helps to know someone is listening. I don't know what I expect people to say but you always hope someone will have the answers, even if it is in an unexpected way :)
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