relapse or death

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brontoset, Jun 29, 2012.

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  1. brontoset

    brontoset New Member

    I'm not depressed I don't WANT to die but I HAVE to die...can anyone relate?

    I'm losing what I was born for...I need alcohol
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry you are so down and that your need for alcohol is a way to cope with what you are dealing with hun Keep talking okay it helps hugs
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I understand the comment about alcohol... who among us has not had a bad day and commented, "Man, I need a drink!"? I told my wife one day that the most reliable business to own would have to be a store that sells liquor. When you think about it, people drink to celebrate when they are happy... and they drink to drown their bad feelings when they're depressed. In that train of thought, it seems that liquor stores must always have a guaranteed based of customers. :)

    The problem with alcohol when one's depressed, however, is that alcohol itself is a depressant. While we all feel we "need a drink" when we're down (I been there, done that too)... in reality, drinking only makes the down feelings even worse.

    Now more specific to your post, you state you are not depressed. Do you know what is motivating your self harm wishes? You should drop into this site's chat some time and discuss. There's usually some good people in there chatting and I believe it can be helpful.
  4. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I believe I can probably relate to some degree... I don't want to die, there is something I am living for, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to have it. :sad:

    If the only choices are relapse or death... I recommend relapse. Addiction can be cured. Death... not so much.
  5. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Definitely if it's a choice between the two, TheLoneWolf speaks volumes of truth ^
  6. brontoset

    brontoset New Member

    Thank you all.

    I can't seem to do what I used to do. The flow is gone and the feel is as well. I'm no longer naturally influenced, it's all calculated. I can't compose, I can't improvise.

    I've been attending AA, and the things they say make me want to die
  7. MrsStavrogin

    MrsStavrogin Active Member

    But relapse means much more than just returning to addiction. It means f****g up your life again, doing stuff that you don't want to do but feel like you have to do in order to attain the wanted substance, humiliating yourself in many ways again.. I'm just talking from my experience as a former substance abuser who hates the ''normal'' life and wants to go back but knows it's not a possibility and sees death as an only option.

    And people told me that I should better kill myself instead of returning to that path again, even though it's the only thing in the whole world that I want.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 29, 2012
  8. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I stand by my original statement. If the only choices are addiction or suicide, go with addiction. At least a junkie like us has hope. A corpse has no hope.
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