Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lightning05, Aug 17, 2016.

  1. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    Someone offerred me a xanax today and it took everything I had to turn it down. I literally bit my tongue down to force myself to say no. Before that happened I thought to myself damn, how great would it be to start doing pills again? It's like how I want to black out again. I guess I just want that numbness and escape from my feelings. I have been thinking about using again so much. I want to say fuck sobriety so I can go crazy with drugs again because I was so fucked up I couldn't think about or feel my problems. I am ashamed about thinking about using but happy I didn't act on it.
    Brian777 likes this.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hugs. Congrats for staying strong and saying no.
    lightning05 likes this.
  3. srhx

    srhx Member

    Good for you for turning it down. I have a problem with xanax as well and have been sober for a little over a year now. I've also been struggling with wanting to do it again because it definitely is easier to just be able to not feel anything for a while, but seeing others in my situation helps me feel less alone and makes it easier to say no to it. If you ever want to talk about it, feel free to send me a message.
    lightning05 likes this.
  4. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    Congratulations on your sobriety @srhx . I've been clean for a little over 4 years. For a while I thought it had been 3 but I found my count that I did for the first year I quit and I started 3/25/12. Looking at all of those slash marks helps me when I am feeling this way. It's so tempting to want to fall back into the numb escape especially when suicidal, which I have been all week. Thanks for the support.