Relapse

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by justgettinby, Jan 24, 2008.

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  1. justgettinby

    justgettinby Well-Known Member

    I was holding myself together, on the outside, at least. Then this morning, I completely broke down sobbing and screaming uncontrollably. I miss my ex SO much. He is my soulmate and I am still in love with him, even though he broke off our engagement 3 months ago for no good reason. I've tried to move on, I've met other guys, but all I can think of is him. And I know he's probably screwing some other girl and is having a grand old time and has forgotten about me. It seems so unfair that he just left me here, where I have no friends or family. And while he's still got his friends, I have no one, and I feel pitiful because I'm not strong enough to move past this. I've started cutting again, and drinking a lot, and if I could, I would OD right now, just so I wouldn't have to feel this pain anymore. It hasn't gotten better over time, it's gotten worse. And maybe there is someone else out there for me, but I don't know if I can hold out long enough to meet them. I can't live like this anymore.

    Half of me is torn to just try to OD right now. The other half is feeling the obligations that I have for school this afternoon. I really wish I just had the guts to just end all of this.
     
  2. blendersick

    blendersick Member

    sorry about all this youve gone through, have you tried seeing a therapist or something? its not the best thing in the world but it helps a lot to some people, i know you cant but you have to let go, you re the only one who can do it, and cutting and drinking may seem like something nice now, but it will only get worse, im on it, its not the best idea ever

    if you need or want to talk to someone, you could pm me or send an email, ill try to help as i can
     
  3. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    im sorry youre feling this pain sweety. i know it must be horribly crushing, im not even sure i could go through what you are, you must be rreally strong. i know how it feels though, ive never once had a girlfriend, not ever has a girl looked my way and thought i was bf material. i think i went out once in my whole life, and she tried to make sexual advances on me on the first date, like 3 years ago..i freaked and never called her agian. but yeh, i wish i could find a sweet girl, someone nice like you. girls just dont even lok my way..lol its pretty bad. im sorry youre feeling like you are.
     
  4. justgettinby

    justgettinby Well-Known Member

    Thank you both! You have no idea how much it means to get such supporting words. It makes all the difference in the world. Honestly, today was just a testament of why I can't bring myself to commit suicide. After I finally forced myself to go to school, my day started to shape up. So I guess it's just really important to remember that even though it might hurt INTENSELY at one moment, it will start to feel better eventually. Anyway, what I really want to say is that I've been on this forum a lot the past few days and it amazes me how strong EVERYONE is. Even the people on the edge of wanting to end their life. They are able to give encouragement to others even though they see no hope for themselves. That alone should be reason for them to think twice about ending a life that is giving so much to others.
     
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